In Case You Were Wondering...

...yes.
I still miss it.

The Water

(This was originally written for Erinn at It's the Journey.
She asked for a post on what inspired me, and this is what came to mind at that moment.
I've decided to share it here today.)

  

When I think about what inspires me, it only takes me a minute to go back to that place- Seattle, but more specifically, the water.

There was something so magical on the shoreline. Maybe it’s because we don’t have the same kind of vast expanse of rippling waves in the Midwest. Maybe it’s just because so many others seem to feel the same way. I think Pablo Neruda loved the sea more than any woman he sighed over, because he once wrote of it, “Here I came to the very edge where nothing at all needs saying… [and] everything is blue again like morning.” That’s just how I feel, too.

Nothing at all needs saying. Somehow, all my thoughts seem to wash away with the tide, and I find myself weightless without them. There are very few places on this enormous earth that can make me feel so beautifully alone and so perfectly content.

So some nights now, when everyone else is sleeping, my heart drifts back there. I close my eyes, and just wish for the waves to drown out all other noises and sweep through my soul.

The Shift

"I have dreamt in my life,
dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
they have gone through and through me, like wine through water,
and altered the color of my mind.
And this is one: I'm going to tell it -
but take care not to smile at any part of it."
— Emily Brontë

Most changes in the dreams of our hearts sneak up on us. They bloom softly and quietly until we gradually become aware of them- at least, that's how it's always been for me.

But Seattle was different.

I'm not sure if it was the moment we stepped back onto the plane bound for Illinois, the moment I hugged my family goodbye, or the jaunt down the steep sidewalk to Pike Place, but there it was- the snap of realization. Suddenly, something inside me shifted so palpably, so overwhelmingly.

My first thought was, "This could be home."

For a girl who has always been consumed with love for my hometown- the university here, the cornfields, the epitome of Midwestern life- this shocked even me. I hate change. I resist it with every twist and turn in our lives even if that change might be better for us. But I looked out at the sailboats skimming along Puget Sound in the low dusk sun, and found myself thinking that, even in this Illinois heart of mine, the water was not only beautiful...but it could settle into my soul as deep as the crops, grain elevators, and country roads. I pictured raising Millie near shorelines. I imagined the uptick in people we'd pass on the street, the taller buildings that would dwarf us, and the seagulls circling low around us. And for the first time in my life, I thought, "I want that." It wasn't the feeling you get at the end of a vacation, where you dread going back to the ordinary. It was a genuine desire, a whispered promise from the city that said, "You could be here. This could be your water, your skyline, your Market and coffee." It was the first time in my almost 28 years that a place had stirred up something so real.

Of course, moving across the country- to any city on any coast- requires a job set in place, a good deal of money, and an agreement between Sky and I. Those three things are can be hard to come by. And then came the second thought, perhaps more obvious for those in military circles. "Sky should go active duty."

Every time I have mulled over what active duty would mean for our family, I would come to two conclusions. 1- That it would be a smart move for us financially, and we should probably consider it for at least a short contract. 2- That my heart couldn't handle the changes, the move, the pulling away from everything I know. And now, I find myself feeling that I could handle it- welcome it, even. I think about how the change could be not something to dread, but an adventure, and a new start for us.

The clincher? Sky doesn't want to be active duty. At least, not now. And I can't tell him to take a job when it would be his job, not mine...least of all, a job that could require him to go to war. He's even said to me before, "I think you just want to do it so you are in a place where you have more in common with people," since there is absolutely no military support in this community. He thinks the military blogs I've read have filled my head full of dreamlike ideas. But he hasn't read your blogs, or any of the hardships all of you in active duty face. Would it be easy? Absolutely not. This life isn't easy either, though. And I'm finding myself being pulled to new things.

There isn't a good way to resolve this post other that to simply say it's how I feel and what I've been wondering about a lot in those quiet moments late at night, when the moon is overhead and Millie is curled up with her stuffed animals. I think about the tide. I think about visiting the Seattle Public Library with her. I think about a date night with Sky, walking along the water's edge, having him buy me a $5 bouquet from the Market.

Something about Seattle simply grabbed my heart, and hasn't-and won't- let go.

Seattle Photos {Part Two}

(click here for part one)

I promised you the good stuff in my last post- the real, gritty city views. This is how Seattle looked to me, and let me just say- while I imagined the sights and sounds during those long plane rides, my imagination had nothing on the real thing. I loved it there.

My "little" brother (he's 17), stepfather, mama, and me.

In front of the Seattle Great Wheel- it just opened a few weeks before we got there!

Reminds me a lot of the London Eye.

It's family tradition to make these pennies on vacations, so of course, we stopped to press one!

Yea!

One of a hundred tourists shops

We didn't do this- although I wish I would have now- but doesn't it remind you of the fortune teller in Big?

Sky hates birds, so he was not thrilled about this part of our afternoon.

Dinnertime!

This place had a long wait, but it was very good.

I adore the night view with all the reflections.

Heading into town on day 2.

Part of the skyline

Isn't it awesome?

We don't see this sign in Illinois!

Finally here!

Incredibly crowded- probably too much for Sky's liking- but it was lots of fun.

I couldn't get one stem here for $5...I wanted to scoop all of these up and take them on the plane with me!

The first Starbucks. I wanted to go, but not badly enough to wait in that kind of line!

Sky took a sneaky, paparazzi shot of my mom and I...

Flowers everywhere!

This man was amazing...I may have to post some videos for you later!

Fish market

This looks too beautiful to be real...but no edits!

For our last night, we were taken out to a fancy restaurant on the water, and next to a yacht club.

Sky looking dashing in his skinny tie, and my $5 bebe dress that I bought at Goodwill right before our trip!

I never thought we'd have a photo of us like this, with such a gorgeous water view in the background.

My mama and I. Fran said we looked like twins. :)

Can Sky look any more like Donald Draper from Mad Men in this? I think not.

My mom bought me this gorgeous bag from the 50s at a vintage shop at Pike Place. Isn't it lovely?

I was already in love with it, when I opened it and saw the tag- Millie! It was meant for me. :)

Horrible cell phone pictures to follow. Tired on the plane ride home...

Back in Chambana!

Millie was happy to have us home. She kept touching my face and saying, "Mama! Daddy!"

That's it for all my photos. But in my next post, I'll share with you something you didn't see in all the pretty views and smiling faces- something that was stirred up deep within me, and all because of 48 hours in that beautiful city.

By the way- have you entered the Julep nail polish giveaway yet?