March 22, 2009

Softer


Your warm whispers
Out of the dark they carry my heart
Your warm whispers
Into the dawn they carry me through
And I'm weeping warm honey and milk
That you stay surrounding me, surrounding me
Your warm whispers
Letting me drown in a pool of you
Your warm whispers
Keeping the noise from breaking through
And I'm weeping warm honey and milk
That you stay surrounding me, surrounding me
Yeah, I'm weeping warm honey and milk that you
Stay surrounding me
Your warm whispers...
And I'm weeping warm honey whispers
Your warm whispers...
In the dawn...
-Missy Higgins, "Warm Whispers"

This should be the smooth transition, easy even. This should be the part that eases back into the time we had before. He is one place, I am another, and there is a lot of water and land in between. It's so much different now, and that difference is both the sweetest thing and the most startling cause of other feelings.

We've been able to talk every single day since that hug on the street that couldn't last long enough. It's so much more than I thought would happen. Some talks are cut short by the possibility of a flight or a role call. He's tried sleeping a couple times. But most of the time, we've had up to an hour or two at a time to pour out all we can about what's has happened since we spoke last, and to say everything we have on our hearts. We've been able to joke, to plan, to think, to talk about how long we have left to wait before we're face to face. 

"Time is one thing we do have," he said, looking like he'd typed it twice because of the tricky Internet connections there. I looked at the sentence and sighed. He doesn't feel like the quite same person to me that he was before he came back to Illinois for those few days. There's been a metamorphosis from a good conversation into everything good. So when he's boarding the next plane, I'm thinking about how much that difference means. The conversations will grow softer and softer as he gets further from me. They're so delicate, so precious now. 

So when he's home, I will probably talk too much and listen even more. I'll want to hear him jokingly start the first couple words of a song like he's done before. I'll crave hearing him say anything and everything. I will love the sound of his voice in the next room, bouncing closer as he walks until he's holding me. Then the conversation can get softer again like it did that last night, but I'll hear every word.

11:33pm Erika
I'm glad we have what we had so we have something to think about for 4 months.
11:34pm Sky
why does 4 months all-of-the-sudden seem way too long  

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