To Sum It Up

Here's the thing.

I wasn't going to write another post this year. I felt that all my 2013 words had been used already, and I've come to realize I'm not great with New Year's. I wish I could pick one word or mantra for next year's theme, or make a long list of goals, or join a gym and eat more lettuce. But I feel like change is too uncomfortable to me for it to happen suddenly. I want things to be different- Lord knows, I do- but I want them to come in their own time. Organically. If any of that makes sense. It probably doesn't, because I'm sick and generally lacking sleep.

But Jenn (aka "Korea Jenn") tagged me on her post. And I would do just about anything for for Korea Jenn, because that lady is one of only two or three bloggers that can make me shoot tea through my nose from laughing so hard.

And then, I was going to write it, but not for a few more days. Until I realized tomorrow is the last day of this year.

So there you have it. My apologies on a last minute, hastily and reluctantly written post. Blame Jenn.

What were your highlights of 2013?

You probably were not aware of this, but on June 29 of this year, there was a little boy born. His name is Walter, and I like him. He's like the son I never had. But I did. I remember that part quite vividly.

Millie turned three, and we learned the terrible twos were actually so mild, peaceful, and sweet, and it'd be super to get those back. However, she's doing much better now, and I love her to bits. Her vocabulary continues to astound everyone she meets.

Sky was gone for 4 1/2 months for various Army things (in addition to drill days). He got a new MOS and a new civilian job.

I completed my second full time semester of school, and stopped yet again when Walter was born. I miss it, but I don't regret it. I know it'll always be there waiting for me.

I still didn't finish the same dang book I've been reading for over one year now. Motherhood has changed me in ways like selecting a swimsuit that won't startle everyone and longing to go to bed at 8pm, but for some reason, I didn't expect reading time to dwindle so much. I have to remind myself that I'll get it back in a few years, and that it's just as sweet to read Go, Dog. Go! for the 729th time.

• We moved a block down the street. I was reminding how much I hate unpacking the kitchen.
• Walter's surgery. Scariest day of my life.
• It was time to say goodbye to Facebook, and now that I'm gone, it seems even worse than MySpace because at least you had a song to explain your emotions. Facebook people just use too many exclamation points. And misspelled words.
• I spent almost exactly half of this year pregnant, taking care of Millie on my own (while Sky was gone), and going to school full time, and then the next half with a newborn and a toddler. Both were hard in different ways.
• We never grilled out this year and I mourned the lack of burnt hot dogs.

Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
This was my post last year. I think this year will be the same. No resolutions. Just hope.

Did anyone close to you give birth?
It seems like everyone I know had a baby this year, especially my blog friends. I'd have to say that I was most excited about Walter's.

Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank goodness.

What countries did you visit?
Way to rub it in! No traveling this year. But England, I will see you someday.

What would you like to have in 2014 that you didn't have in 2013?
A rock solid marriage.

What dates from 2013 will be etched upon your memory, and why? 
Walter's birth, first and foremost. I remember every second from that day, and the day before. Other memories aren't contained to one day, but I have some lovely ones. I'm glad my mom was able to visit when he was born. I'm glad for every kiss Millie gave him. I'm glad for all the afternoons of whatever spent out with my dad. I'm glad for the friends I've gotten closer to this year.

What was your biggest achievement of this year?
I know it's getting tiring to read, "having a baby". But it ain't easy, let me tell you. So that. Because I did it, and because I got to meet him.

What was your biggest failure?
Hmm. There were probably too many to count. Probably losing my patience with Millie. Now that we've settled into a family of four, it's been much better for all of us, I think.

What's the best thing you ate?
Oh gosh. Everything my mom cooked while she was here. And after that, when my dad took me out for steak at Texas Roadhouse, because it was amazing and I don't even like steak very much. And Nutella?

What's the best thing you bought?
The first thing that came to mind was a new Kitchenaid spatula to replace a dying plastic dollar store one. And that's pretty sad, but I'm sticking with it.

What did you get really, really, really excited about? 
The spatula, apparently. Because I've already said too much about a certain baby, I'll just say the little things. 

What do you wish you'd done more of?
Laughed.

Compared to this time last year, are you: a) richer or poorer? b) happier or sadder? c) thinner or fatter?
a- I'll steal Jenn's answer and say richer in the ways that matter. 
b- yes.
c- I adore this question because I was pregnant last year, so thinner, darling!

Did you fall in love in 2013?
With a 8 lb 10 oz little nugget.

What was your favorite TV program?
Recently, it's been Modern Family, but this year goes to Arrested Development.

How did you spend Christmas?
Quietly. I made brunch.

What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I turned 29. Craziness. I ate leftover Chinese food and bought a pair of cute boots at a consignment shop.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept of 2013?
"Do these yoga pants come in multiple colors?"

What kept you sane?
Millie and Walter, hands down. And God, ultimately. There were a few times where I felt like that's all I had, and a few other times where I felt like that's all I needed.

Tell me a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
Don't lean on earthly things. Any part of it can disappear. Trust in something bigger than all those. 

********

I'm tagging a few lovely ladies, but anyone who wants to join in (last minute!) is welcome. I'd love to read more answer from you all!

- Kaylee from Max & Kaylee

- Ash from love{dot}lulu

- Fran from Free Borboleta

- Michelle from Mish Mash

- Erinn from It's the Journey

- Moira from McDancing Through Life

To sum it up: 2013, you've had some of the best and worst moments of my life.
2014, be kind.

Love/Do Not Love {No. 2}

Fran and I love most of the same things, but we disagree on college sports...

I posted my first Love/Do Not Love list a month ago, and it was so much fun, I wanted to bring it back. Several of you joined in, so like last time, if you make your own list, leave a link in the comments so we can all visit you. Without further ado, here are a few things I love and a few I'm not so fond of...

I love:
-Hanging out with Fran of Freeborboleta fame. Though I forgot to take my camera (thereby forfeiting the title of blogger and only using blurry cell phone photos in this post), it was so much fun getting to see her again. The last time, I was on her turf in Seattle. This time, Fran and her sweet mama drove hours just to spend an afternoon and evening in Chambana. It was awesome to introduce her to Millie and Walter. But mostly, it was just did my heart a lot of good to spend a day with one of my dearest friends- eating deep dish pizza, taking a cold walk around campus, and warming up with some Starbucks. The only do not love part of this? Having to say goodbye.

The rest of my loves:
-Chinese food. I order the same dish 99.5% of the time: sauteed broccoli in brown sauce with white rice and lots of crab rangoon. We have a pretty great place nearby, which means the owner lady instantly recognizes me, Sky, my dad, and Millie. In fact, Millie's managed to charm her way into free watermelon slices ever time (which aren't on the menu). Every so often I like to pretend I have room for doughnuts, eat one, and then complain that I'm dying. I could eat there every day and not get sick of it.
-Huge, fluffy bath towels. The bigger, the better. And someday, this lady is going to buy a heated towel rack (and heated floors, while we're at it). I once used one of the towels Sky takes on military trips, and I'll never get over it. It was a potholder-sized square of sandpaper, I think. Gross.
-Praise for cooking. If someone tells me twice that they love the meal, I may believe them. If they tell me once, I'm sure they're just being polite. If they don't tell me at all, I am positive they hate my food, hate me, and I should just burn down the kitchen. I might be slightly insecure about my cooking- can you tell?
-Snail mail. I love letters, packages, those random address labels- if it's not a bill, I'm excited about it. (I'd ask you all for your addresses if I thought there was hope I could write back.) I swoon over pretty stationery and fancy pens.
-Ginger. It's all I want lately. Christmas may come early in this house, because it's going to be gingerbread everything. (Speaking of, make these cookies.) Pumpkin is so last week.
-Notebooks. Specifically, the smaller ones that fit well in my purse. I think up ideas for blog posts in two main places- in bed, long after I should have been asleep, and while I'm out somewhere running errands. I keep a little lined notebook between the front seats, and grab it to jot something down all the time.
-Saying 'peanut butter' in Spanish. Google it. It sounds twenty times tastier, and slightly scandalous.

And now, a few things I don't love:
-Driving and spacing out. All I know is that I leave my house, and ten minutes later, I'm in a different part of town. I have no memory of all the twists and turns that got me there. It scares me a little, and makes me wonder exactly how I can be on auto pilot so much that I am completely unaware of what I'm doing.
- Also, driving at night. I always feel about 85 years old when I'm squinting through the windshield and complaining that everyone has on their high beams. Blind as a bat.
-Flute music, especially jazz flute. (I apologize if you play the flute.) No thanks.
-The person who invented white kitchen floors. No, it's cool. I like needing to sweep five times a day.
-Deciding what to wear. It takes me more time to pick an outfit than it does to do my hair and makeup. If I (magically) love the outfit I'm wearing, it still takes a lot of time. If I don't love it, it takes years.
-The wrong cleaning products used on things. Pledge used on glass? Glass cleaner used as bathroom cleaner? Kitchen cleaner used in any other room of the house? I can't handle it.
-The first time someone asks how old I am after a birthday. So awkward. I state at them blankly until I figure it out, and probably seem 10 years older than I am just because I can't remember.

What things are you loving- or not?

On Soaking It In {Guest Post}

There are a few blogs from good bloggers- and only a very few, really- that I read and feel as though I'm in on a secret. It's like I'm reading the memoirs of a writer who will be famous someday, 

and I was lucky enough to find them before they hit the New York Times bestseller list. 

Ash from love{dot}lulu is definitely one of those bloggers.

When she was gracious enough to write a guest post for you all, I was thrilled. 

She's found her own style in a sea of bloggers who copy everyone else.
I shared this beautiful post with you on my Facebook page a few days back, but be sure to browse the rest of her posts (and follow her!). You'll love the way she expresses herself as much as I do, promise.

***

the children are growing exponentially around here.

in the midst of the busyness and lack of sleep of this current life of mine, i swing between wanting to force the clock forward to just make it through the day, and wishing i could go back and live the day all over again to get some of it back. to savor more of the hugs, kisses, and sweet smiles that they'll one day be too old for.

people tell you that it will go so fast you won't know what hit you. that before you know it, they are grown and you are left wishing they were small and their kisses were still for you. i believe it will go fast--i am watching these babies grow every day--but twenty years from now, i don't want to have a posture of regret. so while i still have them, i want to soak it in.

sometimes i have to remind myself that we are raising up a real-life, one-day, man and woman, that will be launched from our home to grow lives of their own. that they are my gifts, entrusted to me by a loving Father, and not my possessions. it is truth indeed that the days until they leave our arms are limited.

but that's partly why they're so sweet. 

i want to live with this in sight, and for my goal be to invest my best in them. intentionally, every day, to help them grow into all that they are called to be, and enable them to impact the world in large ways for the glory of God. and i want to pause momentarily, throughout these days, to impress as many sweet moments into my heart and memory as i possibly can.

because yes--i know that one day i will miss them. but if my focus is to invest, and breathe in these years, then even though the yearning for years past will come, it will come with less regret, and with more of a humble, thankful heart for the chance i've had to help shape these glorious little souls. because it is an overwhelming kindness that i am living out these days with them.

now excuse me while I go kiss some cheeks--while they still have kisses for me.

love.

Mama Got a Makeover

Leave it to me to be sentimental about this brand new blog look. I'm weird about blog design, guys.

It's so personal for me. Because this place is me. I am more at home here, letting these words out and connecting with people who read them, than I am almost anywhere on earth. It's my shelter. The place I built, brick by brick, and invited you into for tea and conversation.

I wanted it to reflect that. So I don't trust just anyone to decorate the frame that holds my words. It's not that they're very special. But they're mine.

Most of you know Fran, and despite the photo above (which is award-worthy in its awkwardness), she's my pal. She is also the only person I've ever handed this blog over to, and after wading through my indecisiveness  as well as at least 20 emails back and forth (example: Me- Um, will I still have a comments section? Fran- You're dumb. [Okay, she didn't say that, but she should have.]), she revamped this space into exactly what I wanted- something simple, soothing, and fresh.

This long post is just to say that I couldn't be happier with the new look, and I highly recommend Fran if you're in the market for one. (Her design site.) She somehow fit the puzzle pieces of all my meandering ideas together and made it all make sense.

And see? We're friends and it's not even awkward...well...

Takin' Care of Business- Google Reader

Are you reading this post in Google Reader? Well...sit down. We need to have a talk.

If you normally use Google Reader to follow my blog (and any others, for that matter), you need to know that it's being shut down soon. They just informed bloggers that it's not us, it's them, but they're moving on. I know- I'm sad, too.

To keep my blog from disappearing, you can use a variety of other things to follow me. They're always available to click on in my sidebar, but here's the list for you:

Bloglovin': http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/2529383

:Networked Blogs: http://www.networkedblogs.com/blog/chambanachik_180833

or Hello Cotton: http://www.hellocotton.com/mypage/chambanachik

There is also the option on my sidebar to subscribe by email, which means you never miss a post.

You can also export all your subscriptions from Google Reader ( here: https://www.google.com/takeout/ ) and import then into another feed reader, like-

Bloglovin': http://www.bloglovin.com

(here's a tutorial- http://nutritionella.com/2012/12/my-new-favorite-reader-a-bloglovin-tutorial/ )

Feedly: http://www.feedly.com/

(their tutorial: http://blog.feedly.com/2013/03/14/google-reader/ )

and many others. They have handy tools to import everyone you follow in Google Reader without moving each individual blog over (if you subscribe to dozens of blogs like many of us do). Read the tutorials if you feel a bit lost like I did.

In addition to those, you can like my Facebook page and the post links appear there. The plus side is that I often post things here I don't post anywhere else, including my personal page. The downside is that Facebook is not very reliable so you may not see most of what I post unless you specifically remember to go to the page. My advice? Like it, but don't depend on it as the only way to read.

Hopefully, this helps sort things out a bit. And if you are a blogger, please leave me your Bloglovin' link if you have one! Like most bloggers, I'm getting things switched over there, and I don't want to miss you.

The Truth Under the Cape

If this guest post hits you anywhere near the way it hit me, you'll be sharing it after you read. 

In the moments I finished it, I had to wipe a few tears away.
Kim from She Is Fierce is a Canadian milspouse (and winner of awards as such),
has been incredibly kind to me personally, and has managed to write a post so dead-on in every way- both for milspouses and women in general, I think- that I truly hope you treasure it.

I'm not sure when I started taking myself too seriously, but I think it came to a head when I was standing in the office of the Canadian Forces Relocation Agent, ready to go through all our paperwork for our upcoming posting.


"Look"  I said all smugly "I have already picked up our official notice, listed our house on the market, signed with the Realtor, kept the house show-home ready with three kids at home, sold the house, signed all the paperwork and finalized our mortgage pre-approval with the bank.  By myself, because none of you thought it was a good idea to give us the notice even one week earlier when my husband was still home.  


So at this point, I barely even need your help.  Can you please just sign our House Hunting Trip papers so I can go?  I have a kid to pick up at school in 10 minutes."


That's right folks.  My “I-Can-Do-It-All” attitude had a field day this move.


I am woman.  Hear me PCS with one hand tied behind my back. (See that?  I used the American term just because it sounded better than Posting.  I can adapt, too!)


Just call me super-wife with a huge chip on my shoulder.  


Able to handle cross country postings alone and spring field exercises during dance recital season in a single bound.


I used to add up all the time Dh was gone and recite it like a serial number.


3 months here, 6  months there, 5 months somewhere else...a total of x months home out of y months married = what?  Some kind of medal owed to me?


When did I start walking around like I had to win some kind of championship in keeping-my-crap-together?


Then one day a friend of mine with many, many more years experience in this life just asked 'why would you want to keep track of all that?'


And I didn't have a good answer.


What was I trying to prove?


I feel like I've spent years trying to show everyone that I can handle it all.  So much wasted time and useless words trying to portray the wife who is always long suffering and independent.  Wearing his deployments and absences like some kind of badge of honour that I earned all by myself.


When the truth is, every single time I've tried to prove I can do it alone, I failed.

I am not, in fact, as 'super' as I pretend to be when I throw on my mask and cape and walk out into the world each day.


What I am sometimes is full of a stubborn pride that it might somehow make me a better person if I can do it all completely on my own.


Do you know where stubborn pride has found me? 
-Mid panic attack, unable to breathe enough to even call someone for support while watching the news.  
-Sprawled out on my bed with a pillow over my head trying not to hear the colicky baby I am terrified I might hurt if I have to pick him up again.
-Lying on the bathroom floor listening to the sound of my 2 kids playing downstairs, while I vomited and contracted in pre-term labour, barely able to walk on my own.


God never intended for us to be a fortress unto ourselves.  Sometimes, He gives us strength beyond measure to rise up when we have no other way, it's true.  But sometimes we become so independent as Military wives we forget that we need to also recognize the times when instead, He opens a door where He has placed someone to help.

My need to prove I can do it alone has found me vastly unable to follow through.


Every. 
Single. 
Time.
 
The truth is that while I have grown, accomplished and learned more about what I can do in His strength in the past 13 years than I ever could have in another life, there is one lesson that sticks out more than others. 
Sometimes. I. Can't.


When there's been absolutely no other way to calm my fears, quiet my baby or get to the emergency room, I've first had to swallow my pride and do something every single army wife person needs to learn to do at some point in their life.

I’ve needed to ask for help.  

And you know what? 


I can still balance the schedule of a family of five and the budge of one, too.  I can do it while he's home or deployed and I can do it on either end of this beautiful country.  I have learned more about strength, determination and perseverance than I could have imagined.


But the truth is, it's OK for even Super-Wife to ask for help.

In fact, sometimes it's the safest and strongest decision you can make.

And I promise.  

No one will ask for your cape back.

The Long and Short of It

My guest blogger today is here to continue the While He's Away series, and she's writing 
about the part of separations that doesn't get talked about enough, in my opinion- the shorter ones. 
The lovely Mrs. McDancer from McDancing Through Life explains 
how the length of time away doesn't always mean an easier or harder time.
(And while you're checking out her blog, be sure to read this post.)

When you love someone who is serving in the military, inevitably there will be separations. Long or short, they can be rough. A little less than a year after we became a couple, the husband was deployed to Afghanistan. That was both the longest and shortest year of my life. I felt a weird paradox where the days dragged on, but the moments quickly slipped away. That year had some huge moments including an R&R wedding and a baby born en route to moving home to my parents, but those are all stories for another day.

After making it through a deployment, I cockily believed that any separation shorter would be a piece of cake, but I soon found myself eating those thoughts.  This summer we had a relatively short separation, in military terms, but it too held its own set of hardships.  During the deployment, we had regular communication; I was spoiled by phone calls, emails, and even the occasional Skype session, but for the month long separation this summer all we had were good old snail mail letters. The day that my husband had to turn in his phone and say goodbye, I was sitting at a pediatric neurologists office, learning that my son had potentially suffered a stroke or else had another {also totally scary sounding} issue with his brain. How do I tell my husband news like that over the phone in a 5 minute conversation, especially when we had to wait a month for an MRI that would give us the answers. I guess you just keep calm and carry on, but believe me, for that month of uncertainty, all I wanted was to tell my husband my fears and anxieties and have him reassure me. Instead, I spent the month trying not to drive myself crazy and my son and I spent the month keeping as busy as possible.

Often I downplay the hardships of shorter separations. I don‘t want to be told to put on my big girl panties or seem weak and needy.  I know that I am capable of thriving on my own, but that doesn't mean I have to love doing it! Long or short, it is hard to be apart from the person with whom I've built a family, but such is the life of a military wife. Thank goodness for all the amazing people I've met along the way who keep me sane in this world of insanity!

You Are Not an Octopus

In the vast ocean of blogs out there, it's hard to make a lasting impression. 

Kate from Lima Oscar Victor Echo has managed to do that for me. 

Her posts are always memorable because they are so honest, and heartfelt, 

which can be difficult to find in blogland. She's definitely a lady I would love to meet someday- 

her quiet strength and determination make me admire her very much, including as she handles her husband's current deployment. I'm thrilled she's here to share with you today.

I'm a goal setter, a list maker, an "if I don't have a purpose I'll just start drooling", so when my husband came home with definite start dates for this deployment, I immediately starting throwing things in the "deployment goals" file. Things like lose 30 pounds and learn French, finally finish the 3 year old's baby book and maybe you know, decorate the entire house. 3 days into the deployment I caught a horrible stomach bug that lost me 4 pounds in 12 hours, and my very high energy daughter still needed a mommy. I broke. How was I supposed to do this? Alone? I realized two very practical things that day: I need a battle buddy, and I need to be realistic.

Most of my friends live in my computer and the rest of them have been left at past duty stations or moved on to others. Their encouragement is invaluable and knowing that they are all a call or tweet away is amazing, but having a literal extra set of hands when you need it is crucial. I know that in sweet Erika's case, an extra set of hands that actually understands what you are going through, or is going through it as well is near impossible to find, but find someone. The stomach bug, the first real grocery trip in 3 weeks, the hair cut, the walk around barnes and noble to remind yourself that you are more than a mom and a wife with a deployed husband - they are inevitable. You are not an octopus. Don't be afraid to say you need help. It isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of maturity.

This isn't our first deployment, so when I realized my goals were slightly out of reach, I felt like a failure. I've done this before so why can't I do all the things? My mantra was "thrive, not survive", but after a month of absolutely insane behavior on my daughter's part (I call it the "my daddy just left and I hate the whole world and will destroy all happiness" phase), even just surviving seemed unattainable. This is when the word REALISTIC became my best friend. When your spouse is home, do you have days where you can barely make it to lunch before eying the wine? Do you have moments where you say forget it, I'm running away to Spain? Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed with your other half right next to you? Do you (preaching to myself here) really think that those moments, those days, those failures are just going to go away when your sweetheart (and let's be honest, his extra set of hands) is thousands of miles away? Unreachable for days? Disconnected from your world? Show yourself some grace. Keep the goals, by all means, strive for better, stay busy, but don't think surviving and rolling in garbage are synonymous. Sing it at the top of your lungs like the happy exclamation that it is: I will survive! Call the good days thriving and the bad days surviving. Either way, you are amazing.

In the Middle of It

Today's post is from Kathryn at My Life as a Reserve Army Wife. 

I was excited to get her perspective since we're both Reserve wives, 

which often adds a different dimension to these times away. She's also a mama to two, 

and talks all about the different ways she's handled her husband's absences 

with lots of practical tips. I'm glad to glean some ideas and hope you can, too. 

Nothing can prepare you for your military spouse leaving. Whether it’s for a deployment or just a training; you never know what you are capable of handling until you are in the middle of it.


I know I could not have survived my husband going to EBOLC or his deployment without my mother, my biffle, and my best army wife friend. They were my rocks. When I needed to scream, vent, cry or just have a break from being alone, they were there. There aren't words to describe how valuable these people were to me during these times.

From playdates to fighting off woodpeckers, to Olive Garden dates, hospitals, giving birth and everything in between they helped to keep my sanity in check.


I think one of the hardest things was to try and explain to our 2 year old where daddy was and why he wasn’t home. He had been away on a lot of trainings before his deployment so our son was used to seeing daddy home for a little bit, then gone, but he always came home again soon. Once that time frame was up in his mind, it was hard to explain why daddy couldn’t come home. We had decided to tell him that daddy was “at work, playing army” and that he would be home as soon as he was done. Generally that calmed him down and satisfied him. It was the nights he was sick and only wanted daddy that were the hardest. The trying to decide how to help make him feel better and if you should call off work the next day; those decisions are hard when you have no one to bounce ideas off of. What I found that worked the best was when our son was missing daddy more than normal, he was allowed to sleep in our bed, on daddy’s side. I think that helped him feel closer to him. Also, having him talk to daddy on Skype always helped.

It’s amazing, there are decisions you will make while your spouse is gone that you don’t even have to think about. Like the order in which to get the kids dressed, or what do to with the baby while you are taking a shower (her bouncy seat worked wonders for us), and then there are the other ones where there isn’t such a clear answer and you have to do the best you can. But I think as long as you can have a good support system and trust in yourself and your gut, you can do anything. It’s amazing what a person can go through and survive.


I also found that if you don’t focus on the end, it makes things a little easier. Counting down days never helped me. It actually made it worse. I also found that planning at least one outing a week, or more, helped to get everyone excited and out of the house. Granted there were days I was cursing myself for leaving and of course there were days I was just plain cursing at everything. But you know what, you go to bed that day and when you wake up, it’s a new day and a new start. You will always be faced with obstacles, but it’s how you handle them that makes you strong.  If you are able to get out of bed each morning, have a plan, and when the going gets tough put on your big girl panties and deal with it the best way you know how. I also found making time for myself, whether it was to go grocery shopping alone or out to dinner with friends, those times are much needed. You need to take care of yourself too. Remember, you can do this; you just have to put your mind to it.


On the more practical side; we made sure that everything my husband did around the house we had a plan for it to be completed. For example; he’s in charge of mowing the grass, so we found a neighbor who needed some work and was willing to mow our lawn when he did his own. It was a perfect situation. We also set up delivery for our salt for our water softener, we have well water and with being pregnant, I wasn't allowed to lift that much.


In regards to money, we talked about how much we wanted to save and discussed any big purchases before they were made.


I think having all of these “little” things helped from making them into big things later on. I think it also helped to relieve some of the stress off of both of us.


I just think also being open and honest with each other about our expectations and what was important to us really helped. We knew where each other stood and I was able to make decisions at home with confidence.


The main thing is communication. I know it gets crazy as the time slips away quickly, but you must make the time to talk and know where each other stands and how things will get done at home. It is important for both of you.


Just remember, if you communicate and support each other, this time apart won’t be too bad; because we all know any time apart sucks.

I Got This

This post by Jax from The Harmon Squad was much-needed for me personally, 

and I hope it gives you some comfort, too. I don't label myself as such, but stepping back, 

I can see how I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist with some things. 

It's really freeing to have permission to relax a little, and that's what Jax writes about today.

I was pregnant with our second child when my husband joined the Army. Like every person that joins the Army, he left for several months right off the bat. And like everyone else, that meant I got left behind to hold down the fort.

It was hard, a trial by fire to be sure, but I did fine. Despite being pregnant and having a three year old I just pulled up my big girl pants and pushed through it. There were lots of unexpected twists (like there always are), but I would just say “whatever” and keep going.

This same pattern held through the first couple years of our life in the military. Lots of stuff would happen, dates would change, he would be gone longer than expected and I would just say “whatever” and keep pushing forward.

And I was proud of myself! I was impressed at how the military life and I were made for each other. There are lots of things that stink about this life, but I would get over it quickly and focus on the positive. “I got this” was my phrase.

Right now we are at our first duty station and out of all the places Rob could go, he got put in the brigade that has a testing mission. Which means no deployment (we have very mixed feelings about this fact), but TONS of field time. Like, he will leave for weeks at a time to go to the field several times a year.

I was doing just fine even when I got pregnant with our third child. I was beyond sick for most of the pregnancy, but managed to survive. I kept things together even when we unexpectedly got a new puppy when I was seven months pregnant. (she just showed up and we couldn't find any owners. Who gives up a husky puppy? Not us.) Even though a puppy was the last thing on earth I wanted, especially with a baby very close to being born, I just sucked it up and dealt with it.

THEN our third child was born. All our visiting family left, and here I was. TOTALLY OVERWHELMED. And here I am, five months later, STILL totally overwhelmed. I hear all the time “You are amazing!” “I don’t know how you do it!” etc., etc when the guys are in the field. And all I have to say to them is “I have NO idea.”

Well, I am going to tell you how I do it:

We don’t leave the house. Like, ever. This is made a lot easier by the fact that I home school our boys. The only time we leave is to run errands (which are all grouped together so we only leave ONCE) or to go to the dog park.

We eat a LOT of cereal. Some days we eat it for all three meals. I’ve started buying those giant bags of cereal because we go through it so fast.

My children will go DAYS without bathing. Basically, they get a bath when I notice their hair is starting to look slimy.

On days that don’t go so smoothly we will watch School House Rock and consider that school for the day.

I no longer volunteer. For anything. I feel bad, especially when they really need people to help with fundraisers and stuff, but I just can’t do it at this point in my life. When I am not feeding a baby every two hours I will reconsider it.

My car has several inches of trash on the floor. It will probably reach a foot before it gets cleaned out.

Laundry never gets folded. It gets cleaned, gets put in a heap, and we fish out what we need from that heap. This continues until it’s time to do laundry again, and the cycle repeats.

We are late to EVERYTHING. Everything! I feel terrible about it, but I think people are beginning to expect it of me.

I look pretty rough all the time. From my super dark circles under my eyes, to air dried hair (not a good look for me), to no makeup (ever), and this lovely postpartum phase where clothes don’t ft me I am quite the sight.

If we actually see anyone, it is always at a location that is not my house. I do not want to subject anyone else to the chaotic state it is in at all times.

I stay up waaay late every night. I hate doing it, but it is the only way to get anything done. It is during this time I prepare lessons, sweep the floor, pay bills, blog, etc. NOTHING gets done while the kids are awake.

The filing system I have employed for the last half of 2012 is the big plastic bag under my desk. Everything that needs to be filed gets shoved in it, to be actually filed at a later date. That will probably be in a year or two. (for now I just rummage through it if I need to find something)

Whenever anyone asks me “So what did you guys do this week?” I never have an answer. My life is a blur of just trying to survive. I know we do stuff, but in retrospect I can’t remember what that is. Thank goodness I take pictures, otherwise I will be an old lady and have no idea what happened during the years my children were young.

Basically, my life right now can be summed up by this little exchange that happened at the dog park one day:

Random lady: “You have your arms full, don’t you?” (as I have the baby in the sling, my two year old running away, the six year old yelling at the two year old for running away, me wrestling with our sixty pound puppy [I’m 100 pounds] as she tries to get into the dog park while I’m trying to go in the opposite direction to get the two year old, also while trying to shut the gate the two year old opened before running away)

Me: “You think?”

Ok, so I didn’t really say that.

Me: “Yes, I do.”

But at the end of the day, I am happy. I love my kids and that darn dog, and our life. I groan out of frustration frequently, and have learned to both ask and take help when offered, and you better believe the husband pulls his weight when he is home. But every time things get really hard I remember some advice I got at the beginning of our military career:

“It’s ok to stay at home in your pj’s and snuggle all day. This phase won’t last forever.”

It was said in response to Max and I dropping out of Joy School due to my morning sickness, but it is applicable to so many situations. There are so many good things in this world: things to do, to enrich your life, and on and on. But that doesn't mean they are all good for you. I had major mommy guilt over eliminating something that was good for my child because I couldn't handle it. But this person put it into perspective for me. I may feel like a total spaz right now, and we may be missing out on a lot of good things because I can’t do it all right now. But it will pass. They will grow and get more independent, certain things will get easier, and I may start to feel like “I got this” again. But for now all that really matters is that my husband and children know that they are loved.

So while my husband may return from his time in the field to a very messy house, he is greeted at the door by three very energetic little men, one extremely excited ball of fur, and one very tired wife who is thanking the heavens he is finally home.

And maybe next time that tired wife will be wearing something a little more attractive than sweatpants…

Jax and family. Make sure you also visit her photography site!

Only Three Weeks

One of the things I loved most about the guest posts this week is the lack of sugar-coating. 
These ladies tell it how it is, and today's post by Chantal from Scattered Seashells is no exception. 
I remember how intimidated I was taking care of Millie during Sky's first drill weekend after her birth- and that was just two days! I completely identify with her fears and feelings in this.

The first time I was left alone, truly alone, for a long period of time, with our daughter was in May 2012. She was five months old.

It sounds silly, coming from a military spouse who is used to her husband being gone. In my defense, though, I had gotten used to him being back. He came home from Iraq in June 2011, and I was 15 weeks pregnant (she was an R&R baby!) He only missed one appointment, my 12 week one, and from then he was there for everything: appointments, classes, and the birth. Once she was born, he was there to hold her and help me, only leaving for a few hours a day to go to work. We were in transition, moving to a new place and starting school. He was around a lot and I took advantage of it.

Anyway, part of his schooling required that he leave for three weeks with no communication at all. Whatever, I said, this isn’t anything new. I can handle it.

The day after he left, it was as though a switch flipped in my sweet five-month-old baby. Her already short naps shortened to only 30 minutes, which is not a long enough time for either of us. She started sleeping even worse at night too.

Couple the sleep exhaustion with the lack of spousal support or even someone to complain to, and it was a rough three weeks for me.

Though it wasn’t all bad. I was the one who got to experience every moment with our daughter at a time when she was changing so much (she learned to sit up days before he came home!) I set out schedules and followed through. We had some special moments together watching TV, cooking dinner, and doing various errands and activities.

What’s most important is those tough three weeks taught me that I could do it. I could take care of our baby without help. I could be a mom, through thick and thin, and come out triumphant in the end.

A Recipe for Bathtime, Not Disaster

The first guest blogger in my When He's Away series never fails to make me smile. 

Jennifer blogs at Life with the Lieutenant. She's currently in the midst of her husband's deployment,

 and she's very busy taking care of her son and daughter while he's gone. 

A toddler and a baby guarantees even small things can be big challenges. 

This post is typical Jenn- written like a conversation with a good friend, and always hilarious. 

Before Steve left for deployment, the single most terrifying thought I had was how on earth I would get the baby and the toddler in bed at the same(ish) time every night. If I needed to cry, for any reason, all I had to think about was giving those two a bath by myself. Need to talk my way out of a ticket? Squeeze some tears out because I burned dinner and we *have* to order pizza? Counter my eye-bags with some eye-puff? Think: BATHTIME.

Steve always took care of Sam's bath and bedtime routine. He's done it forever. It's their time and I know I can't compete. Nor do I want to. But when thrown into that role (quite forcefully, I might add, since Sam gets poop in the most interesting of places), it wasn't nearly as bad as I'd made it out to be in my mind. Here is the recipe for bathing two children- one toddler, one baby:

Ingredients
one baby
one toddler
bathtub
bath toys (aka your old plastic cups and anything that will hold water)
baby tub

Directions
Undress toddler and baby in bedroom. Take naked children with you into the bathroom. Begin by running the water and filling up the baby tub. Place baby inside tub and scoot him/her to the back of the tub. Plug the drain and continue filling up the big tub. Place toddler-child in the remaining portion of the big tub. Don't let the water get too high or the baby tub will float and tip over. Not that that's happened to me before. I just read it on a warning label somewhere... Immediately bathe both children. I know it's tempting to let them play and splash around first, but it's best to get the work out of the way while people are still in happy moods. Then, after bathing, sit back on the toilet and relax. Let them play. This can kill anywhere from five to thirty minutes, depending on how long your tub can keep water warm (mine maxes out around 12 minutes, 38 seconds). Once water has turned frigid and lips have a blueish tint, remove the toddler from the tub. Wrap him/her in a towel and give instructions to head to the bedroom but not to pee on anything. (Inevitably, they will pee on something. If you have two kids, you should know by now that this is not the time in your life to own nice things.) Lay a towel across your lap and sit on the edge of the tub. Lift baby out of the baby tub and wrap him/her. Continue to let the free-as-a-bird toddler run wild. Lotion up baby and get him/her ready for bed. Once baby is finished, stick him/her on the floor with a toy or two. Then grab the manic toddler and attempt to strap a diaper on while smothering with lotion of some sort. Try not to zip any flesh into the footed pajamas. I know you are getting excited that bedtime (aka freedom) is so close, but making careless mistakes like that will only further delay you from propping your feet up and breathing deeply. Focus. Comb hair, brush teeth, say prayers, and if you throw the toddler in bed, make sure the crib is set on the lowest mattress setting. The last thing you need is a toddler rebounding back out at you. At this point, you can pick up the (most likely overtired and sobbing) baby and finish the bedtime routine there. Feeding, rocking, burping, swaddling, crib. Make your escape. Go get comfy and try not to think about the fact that you've gotta do it all over again tomorrow.

Yields
Two clean(ish) children, a semi-soaked mom, and a completely destroyed bathroom

If you need any more instruction on the finer points of caring for two mini people on your own, head on over to my blog. 

Christmas Giveaways 2012- and a Giveaway From MeToday

I first started the Christmas Giveaways last year- but one of my favorite things about the holidays is the tradition of it all. Besides, a lot of us need some cheering up right about now. With that in mind, I decided to do them again this year. And you guys...this year is pretty amazing, let me tell you- and even bigger than last year! There will be a few favorite sponsors from last year, as well as some new bloggers, Etsy shops, and big businesses. These are all fabulous prizes- all 24 of them, to be exact!-and I have to say, I'm a bit jealous of the winners already!

It all starts one week from today. If giveaways aren't your thing, then don't worry- even during these few weeks of crazy, I'll still be posting as often as inspiration hits. And if they are your thing, you're in for a treat. There are dozens of prizes just waiting to be sent on their merry way.

And now, for my Christmas Giveaway to you! For everyone who posts the button below on their own blog, just leave a comment with the link to your site (and your email if it's not in Blogger), and one lucky winner will be randomly drawn at the end of the giveaways. I'll be sending you a goody bag full of fun things like lots of nail polish, cute jewelry, fun hair accessories, and other surprises. So grab that button! (You must have the button up through all of the giveaways to be eligible.) Sponsors, you are also eligible, although you may use your sponsor button instead.

One more item to note: sponsorship. If you were ever considering being a chambanachik sponsor, there isn't a better time to do it than right now! If you'd like your ad on my sidebar, just drop me a line at chambanachik(at)gmail(dot)com, and I will send you all the information.

Good luck, and enjoy the good stuff headed your way. Whether these prizes are treasured by you or given as gifts to a loved one, I know you'll adore them. Thanks again to my awesome sponsors!

P.S. Huge thanks to Freeborboleta Designs for creating all the awesome Christmas giveaway graphics.

UPDATED: Using Random.org, comment #9 was selected: Sarah from GI Joe's Wife. 
Congrats, Sarah!

 

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Life Lately

Life in Chambana have been...eventful as of late. School becoming more intense and life picking up, coupled with some things I can't share just quite yet, and it makes me feel like crawling on the couch, pulling a blanket over me, and shutting out the whole world. But the writer in me longs to scribble away.

The result is that I've still been here the past couple weeks, but not as much as I want to be. Like all seasons, this season of my life will be here and gone before I know it. I'll be back to writing 8 days a week soon.

But today, you can find me at FreeBorboleta- Fran, who is a blogger friend turned real life bestie (and designer of this blog), asked me to share one of my favorite quotes with everyone. In between all the other happenings and a couple long Skype dates with her, I decided on one that never ceases to inspire me. Read it, and leave a comment there telling me what you think.

Seattle Photos {Part One}

(click here for part two)

Today's picture post is more of a tease, really- all the preliminary things (and a quick blog friend meetup!) before we got to the heart of the city. So stay tuned for my next post full of Seattle goodness!

We are ordered to have fun!

Waiting for our flight in Champaign

Goodbye Illinois!

Sky enjoying his view (haha!) and some Sky Mall browsing.

Snazzy room, right?

Yea! I'm in Seattle!

Hotel lobby

Let's rock this!

Working in our workbooks

We couldn't find a Seattle sign yet, so my mom made one. :)

But then we found one!

First glimpse

But Fran from Free Borboleta and her husband, Lance, happened to stop by during one of our way-too-quick lunch breaks, and though we didn't have much time, we did manage to get a few photos.

World's most awkward photo?

I'm not sure if we are happy or in pain...

Ah- actually, we seem to be in love.

Aren't they the cutest?

That's it for today! Next time, the Pike Place Market, downtown, and a sneak peek into a heartfelt post that's been welling up in me ever since...