July 27, 2010

Cleared for Departure

"But there's a story behind everything.
How a picture got on a wall. How a scar got on your face.
Sometimes the stories are simple, and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking.
But behind all your stories is always your mother's story,
because hers is where yours begin."

I woke up this morning and starred at the ceiling. I took inventory of my body- after a couple trips to the hospital yesterday, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection and will be back at the hospital today and tomorrow for more antibiotic shots. And then, after that, I lie there wondering why it felt like my birthday or Christmas morning, like I was on the edge of something. I realized today is my due date.

July 27. I have looked at this date and circled it on calendars for the last 9 months. I'm not really shocked or disappointed that she hasn't been born before then, especially since first timers seem to go late. Some of the signs are there- I've lost more weight which is a signal that my body is getting ready, going from 24 lbs over my base weight to 20. I think my hips are still sore from stretching, although this kidney infection seems to mask the other aches and pains of pregnancy. I know, whether she moves out on her own or I get induced next week, she will be here soon.

If anything, it's the sentimental side of me that taints the day. I looked through her diaper bag one more time, checking the outfits to bring to the hospital. The dresses and socks look so tiny, so fragile. It's amazing to think I will be holding her any day now, and they will fit her. I'm obsessed with thoughts about what she looks like, whose features she will most resemble, and what kind of personality she will have.

There's a sense of finality with today, too. We cleaned out both cars the other day and put the baby seats in. Her room is 100% ready for her. All her clothes are washed and in drawers. It's actually time for her to be here, even according to the doctors. I'm not carrying a 2 lb, slightly human-looking person- I'm carrying a 7 or 8 lb perfect baby, with gorgeous eyes and probably some hair. It's strange going through 9 months of pregnancy and coming to this- 9 months is almost a year, and it's plenty of time to be established in a set way and forget what it was like before. It will never be like this day again, though- as everyone reminds me, even if I have more children, there is only one first pregnancy, and there is only one pregnancy with Amelia. And this house will never be this quiet again.

There's a slight sadness to that, but mostly readiness. I want to hear hear her voice, her little cooing and newborn sounds. I want to meet her and fall in love with her. And today is my due date, which means it could be any second now (as I'm reminded by lots of emails and phone calls, asking if I'm there yet). Any second now, Sky and I will see our daughter.

5 kind comments from you:

Dolli-Mama said...

Oh, I love this. You are so right, and I am glad you are taking the time to treasure it. There will never be a "before" day again. And life will never be the same.

I am jealous that you only gained 24 lbs. Lucky.

jamila said...

I'm so excited for you! Thank you for sharing these past nine months with us, it has honestly been SUCH a joy :]

Nicholereo333 said...

WOW wow wow, way to go girly!!!!

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

Wooo! How exciting!

Mrs. G.I. Joe said...

I can't wait to hear her birth story! Congrats!! And you are so right about there being only one pregnancy for her. I say to my friends "I miss delivering Lucy or I miss her being a tiny baby" They all go "Then have another!" Um. No. That would still wouldn't involve me getting to experience LUCY'S birth and newbie-ness again. So enjoy these first few weeks and months!

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