September 10, 2010

30 Days, and the First Day

"Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself."

On The Young Retiree, a cool blog I recently discovered, there is a 30 day meme posted. I had originally planned to do another one that's been floating around, but this one seems a lot scarier, and so I'm going to try it as a challenge to myself. So for the next month (or realistically, possibly longer), expect these posts between my 'normal' writings...

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Let me introduce myself, before I begin:

I am a brand new mother and couldn't be more in love. I think discovering a new band or singer and listening to their songs for the first time is one of the best experiences in life. I am a romantic, and reformed pessimist. I've always loved photography, and my Nikon is one of my favorite possessions. I have finally been sold to the idea of love at first sight. I can't cook (yet-I have hopes for myself someday). I love wrapping up gifts and use lots of ribbon. Having nieces has unexpectedly become one of the greatest things in life. I am both old fashioned and slightly feminist. I like browsing magazines. I would rather drink half and half than milk and think anything less than whole milk is a waste of time. I love the September issue of magazines and I'm addicted to advice columns. It'd be amazing to live in a big city for a few months. I don't have a lot of close friends, but I've known my best friend since I was 15. I write poetry and I've always wanted to be a writer. I miss my mom and little brother s a lot since they're hours away. Wearing coats is fun for me, especially if the sleeves are too long. The best vacation I've taken was just my dad and I in Chicago. I subscribe to dozens of blogs and read them daily. Shopping at thift stores is crazy fun. I am proud of army girlfriends and wives who somehow make it through deployments. I feel like I've learned to get past my shyness, at least a little. I love the tattoo I got and have plans for a few more. I love lemon cake with lemon icing and cherry pie. If there is such a thing as soulmates, I have definitely found mine. I have to listen to music if I'm in the car (or anywhere else, for that matter). I am passionate about what I love, and fiercely loyal to it. I love autumn. I aspire to be the best mother, but I refuse to lose my personality in parenthood. I collect mini gramophones. One of my biggest goals in life is to get to England! I have oh so many shoes. I'm online too often. I'm living in my hometown of Chambana and think it's awesome. I loved coming back to the coffee shops, amazing local bands, downtown Champaign and downtown Urbana, campus, etc. I'm 25 but feel like I'm just starting out on life, and in a sense, I am.

So for today, Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

I think this may be one of the easiest questions, really. The truth is, there are lots of things I want to/need to change about myself. Currently, something that really bothers me is the way I react to Amelia when she's had a particularly rough night. Expecting a 5 week old baby to sleep the way I think she should is ridiculous. There has been more than one night that has made me want to pull out my hair and yell. I've cried and I've been angry. A couple times she has stopped me in my tracks with a pitiful look on her face, or the way she snuggles into me, and I've felt like the worst mother on earth. So I hate my impatience, and I hope I'll get better at calming down.

3 kind comments from you:

♥ Elizabeth said...

YAY! I'm so looking forward to seeing other folks go through this journey as well. I don't think mine will be in 30 days, but I definitely think I will be a better person at the end of it! I like your hate- that sounds awkward, but I like that you recognize it, while so many mothers don't. I'm not a mother, but I'm sure it gets better with time.

Dolli-Mama said...

This looks like fun! Good luck with all 30 posts!

I feel for you with the rough nights! Isaiah would cry for hours during the night, but he calmed down at around 5 months, unless he was teething. It was hard. When he was particularly mad, I would pretend he was sick and say things like "poor baby, baby doesn't feel good" because if I pretended he was sick, I would have more patience and it wouldn't bother me as much that he was screaming for hours. I had to change my attitude from "why are you crying?" to "you're sick, that's why you are cryng". That's what worked for me.

I am so lucky that the girls don't cry very much. I don't know what I would do if they did...

Hang in there.

Dena said...

I love this idea and am thinking about giving it a whirl. I need to start blogging again and this may help me get into it

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