The Seventh Day

"Sometimes when you pick up your child

you can feel the map of your own bones beneath your hands,

or smell the scent of your skin in the nape of his neck.

This is the most extraordinary thing about motherhood -

finding a piece of yourself separate and apart

that all the same you could not live without."

— Jodi Picoult

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

It's so incredibly cliche, and yet I make no apology for it; I've only known her for two short months, but I honestly do not know what I would do without my daughter.

She's been fussy more often than not. She has kept me up at all sorts of weird hours, and she has kept me from a full 8 hours of sleep since the day she was born (and really, even before that). And then she can wake up in the morning, and look at me when I walk towards her, and smile.

She laughed at my "Old McDonald" attempt yesterday. It was the first time she has laughed a real laugh, and it almost broke my heart to hear something so beautiful. It sounds so trivial to anyone else but me, I'm sure, but to see my baby's eyes light up and a grin that she grins wholeheartedly melts me like butter. I remember how nice it felt to have my niece fall asleep on my shoulder- to know she trusted me that much. I get to feel that every day with Amelia. It's very humbling and amazing.

I think I'm back from my short blog hiatus, but things are still very, very rough and will be rough for a long time. There isn't a good way to talk about the whys and hows, but I suppose it doesn't really matter in the end anyway. Because, as low as I have felt these past few days, I have been able to look at my daughter's face, and with tears streaming down my face, she can still look up at me and smile.

And somehow, I've been able to smile back because of her.