October 30, 2010

The Twenty-eighth Day


"When you moved, 
I felt squeezed with a wild infatuation and protectiveness. 
We are one. 
Nothing, not even death, can change that [...] 
You are the closest I will ever come to magic." 


Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant- what would you do?


Obviously in my case, it would be the former scenario...

I have become one of 'those' parents- the kind I warned myself about, the kind I swore to never be. I guess I have learned already that some mothers don't care for their children, and really were never mothers since the day their children were born, and I have decided that I will never, ever be that selfish. So, in rebellion of that way of thinking, I have swung to the complete opposite end- semi-obsession. Guilty.

After a month of so of having Amelia home, I realized something had clicked. It's not at all- AT ALL- that I have forgotten the pain of labor, and the loooooong 9 months of waiting. It's just that I now know having a baby is worth of all of it. I still want to pull my hair out all the time- but I also hear a shrieking laugh and want to hear it over and over.

However, I am not in the market to have a baby. Things in my life are not aligned for that and won't be for quite some time- maybe not ever again for all I know. It's frustrating to me, because in a perfect world, I would be ready for round two within a year or so. But unless God decides otherwise, it's going to be a long while before I use these onesies and pacifiers after Amelia's done with them.

So what would I do? Cry, laugh, shake my head, take just as many tests as I took the first time, and accept it.

Not right now. Maybe never. Maybe someday.

2 kind comments from you:

Mr. Superman & Mrs. S. said...

You are such a sweet mama!

Kathryn said...

"I started to do this, but I don't see where I can enter a coupon code in- it just looks like I'm going to get charged. :("


You have to press the "review ad" button. Then press "place order". It will give you the option to pay by credit card or pay pal, pay by credit card and the window to enter in your credit info at the bottom as a link that says, "I have a coupon to redeem" Press thta and enter your code. You still have to enter in your credit information for it to work, but if you set it up like I showed it will not charge over your coupon limit. Hope this helps!! Thanks for commenting! :)

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