April 11, 2011

Ugly Baby

As a first time mom-to-be, I worried about everything you could possibly dream of to worry about. I was scared of all the usual things. There was also a lesser worry in my mind, but the internet made it possible for me to ease it before I even held Millie in my arms.

I may or may not have gone to a super scientific website one sunny spring day, uploaded a picture of Sky and a picture of me, and winced as I pressed the "morph" button. I did this while Sky was still far away in Afghanistan, where he could not make fun of me. (He is the only guy I've done this with, by the way. I don't how how I knew we would have kids, but I didn't picture future children with anyone else. This makes is okay and not really creepy like it sounds.) I just had to know what my beautiful baby would look like someday.

Dear God in heaven.

There was my future child, staring me in the face. She was hideous. She was barely human. She was morphed from the two of us all right- she had my ugly nose and Sky's high and tight hair cut. I think she may have had some of his stubble and my lipgloss. I shuddered thinking about my precious, stubble-y baby.

Of course I would love her. I may not even know she was ugly. Then, another thought- what if I didn't know, but everyone else cringed at the sight of her?

Fortunately, if only in my eyes, I have one of the most gorgeous babies in the entire universe. Crisis averted.

Now, I have a new worry: she loves to chatter "babababa" and "dadadada". Not a "mama" in sight. I know it's only babble at this point, but I have some weird obsession with making mama her first word. I am tempted to use the tired phrase, "I gave birth to you, for crying out loud!" I over enunciate it for her, saying it slowly and carefully. "Millie, say MA-MA." She grins and says, "dadadada." As far as I know, there isn't a website to predict what her first word will be.

I think that's just as well.


6 kind comments from you:

Mrs.B said...

Oh my goodness, that's so funny.

She's not that bad but, your real life daughter is absolutely gorgeous and beats the computer daughter by far.

Anonymous said...

My bigget fear is being a parent to an ungly childing and knowing m baby is hideous! My grandmother always makes fun of me, but we'll be in a store and there will be a baby with an awkward shapedhead or something and I'll say "Look, what if my baby looked like that?!?" and she always says "then your baby will be beautiful!"

Until the other day, I finally got her on it. She agreed and you could hear it in her voice even though she was saying "then your baby will be beautiful."

Your angel is GORGEOUS from pictures I've seen and could only hope for a baby as beautiful! Funny story though!

MrsMcDancer said...

I totally used to joke about my fear of birthing an ugly baby. In the end though, I think when it's your child they are the most beautiful being in your eyes :-)

My nurse in the hospital said something pretty funny, "All babies are beautiful, but not all babies are cute" Lol.

Luckily I think Millie has both cute and Beautiful covered!

Beka said...

super scientific site.....and your explanation totally made it less creepy. ;) love this!

Win Key Solutions said...

LoL Im going to have to try this out! After 4 kids I have a pretty good idea that the kids eye color & hair color come from their dads & the shape of their eyes from me. New follower from Goodnight Moon's Shout out!

Amanda said...

hahahaha! this sounds exactly like something i would do!

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