Validation

It always happens. Every time we are in a rough patch financially, I think to myself, "Should I still be a stay at home mom?"

It's what I've wanted to do since the moment I thought about having kids. That happens to come in handy when the cost of daycare roughly equals what I made at my secretarial job at a hospital here. But then, I always seem to stumble across that story that floats around the internet- the one that says being a stay at home mom costs a million dollars over a lifetime (although, it seems hard to find articles that total the cost of working- i.e., commuting, lunch, daycare, work clothes, etc.). It's then that I look at Millie and think, what am I supposed to be doing?

One of the Family Assistance Centers I've been speaking to gave my phone number to a military financial counselor today. When she called, her first order of business was to tell me I should have an emergency bank account in case something like this happens with the Guard again. But after discussing my bills one by one, she began to understand that it wasn't a lack of preparation on our part. We don't go out to eat, and we don't do all the extra things she would suggest as ways to cut back. We just don't. We can't.

And then, she said something that totally made my day. When we talked about Millie and all the costs she incurs, the lady said to me, "In your situation, it is definitely the best thing that you're staying home with her." Finally, validation that it makes sense financially. Not to everyone, not in every circumstance- but it's good to know that I'm doing the right thing for my family.

With that said, I want to thank a couple people. I'm not going to say there names here, but if you read any military blogs, you have probably read theirs. These two ladies each messaged me on Facebook, and asked if they could help. One of them asked Millie's size in diapers. To be honest with you, it was probably one of the hardest things I've ever done to swallow my pride and give them my mailing address. I felt weak. I felt like a bad mother. I felt like a 26 year old girl who should have things more together than this. But with all of that, I felt, more than anything, an enormous sense of gratefulness and awe that two women I have never met in person would show my family such kindness. I'm crying just writing this.

It's been a rough few weeks. I have been less than enamored with the military. I've been wondering why all resources I'm told exist don't seem to be around when someone actually needs help. To be honest, I've spent a lot of it feeling angry. I've felt doubt. I've felt worry. I've felt like things were totally out of my control, and that feeling scares me to death. And in the midst of all of these feelings, I have felt nothing but love from all of my readers- all your comments and support have meant the world to me.

It's good to know I'm not alone.
It's great to know we'll be okay.
And it's amazing to have such beautiful people as my friends.