August 22, 2012

This Isn't Easy


"Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational." 

So here I am...knee deep in the first week of full time college classes. I knew it would be hard- not even so much the classes (except biology, which is both incredibly boring and challenging to me), but the fitting-it-all-in part. After looking back at my infrequent courses, both during my earlier 20s and the summer Sky was deployed, I realized it would be much different this time around with a little girl who needs me. I guess I just didn't realize how different.

The house will not be as clean, which is hard for my neat-freak personality. I've had to make lists on a chalkboard of things I need Sky's help with sometimes. Laundry is going to fall behind, and probably dishes, too. I haven't so much as touched the remote to watch all the shows I've recorded days ago. I've been longing to write so many blog posts that are swirling 'round in my mind, and I haven't even jotted down the cliff notes yet. I just got done editing the photos from Seattle, and stopped a paper long enough to post them to Facebook for my family, but I haven't uploaded the here (obviously). I am the kind of person who wants to get every assignment done the day it is posted and have the rest of the week free, but that just isn't going to happen with a two year old, a once-a-week job, and a house to keep up.

But here is the thing- I have never felt so overwhelmed in such a good way. I made a promise to myself that if I was able to get the Pell Grant, there would be no complaining about a horrible assignment, too much work, too little fun, etc. This is hard- really hard. But it's such a blessing and an amazing opportunity.

It would have been easier if I had been able get this done at 20. I'm getting it done at 27 instead. I keep reminding myself that Millie won't remember how clean our house was or even if she ate macaroni and cheese three days in a row. She will know that her mama worked hard to get a degree, and that her daddy helped out so I could get there.

So it isn't easy. But it's so amazing. And I'm praying that I will get through this semester, and however many more it takes before my name is written in calligraphy on a diploma. Until then, I will grit my teeth, get it done, and thank God that I am able to do it.

10 kind comments from you:

Jen said...

You are awesome!!!! :) I commend you for all you are doing.

Kaylee said...

You can do it! I am loving your attitude and am praying that you continue to have the strength and grace to work through everything you need to do, even when it is hard and may feel overwhelming!!! I would be in such similar shoes, if I started full-time classes again too - it would be hard for this neat-freak of a mama too :) But you can do it!!!!

Glampire Victoria McEwan said...

You will get there. You have the right attitude and I wish you oodles of luck but you have more strength than you know. I am trying to get my followers up at the moment so if you like what you see I will greatly appreciate your follow :). If you already follow I apologise.


Chantal said...

You'll figure it out. Keep at it!

Steph said...

It's hard but it can be done! Best wishes!

I'm praying for a Pell Grant next year.

Anonymous said...

You can do it! Your hard work will just make your accomplishment that much sweeter. :)


A Girl said...

I'm so proud of you for going back! Good for you for following your dreams!

Dishes can wait, and so can laundry. When you look back at all that you accomplished in life, having laundry done all the time won't be something that even temporarily flitters through your thoughts. :) But pursuing your dream will be at the top of the list.

You are amazing! Good luck with your classes! But I know you won't need luck, because you rock. :)

Anonymous said...

It is such a wonderful feeling getting back into school. I am happy for you that it all got worked out so you could start. I know how you feel with things slip around the house. I too have a neat freak personality. It is hard to relax knowing that I still have dishes in the sink or laundry to put away, but after a long night at work, a little girl to care for, classes and then homework I have learned it is ok for things to be messy. (for a little while anyways LOL)
Good Luck with all your classes! It is definitely worth it :)

Michelle said...

I know all about being overwhelmed with school and life! You got this, girl!

Fran said...

College is never easy, not eve at 23 with no kids. Just remind yourself how worth it this is and that dishes can wait, so can the laundry but your family cannot and neither can your homeward (unless you have a few days to get it done then it can sometimes wait ;)

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