"Try not to have a good time...this is supposed to be educational."
So here I am...knee deep in the first week of full time college classes. I knew it would be hard- not even so much the classes (except biology, which is both incredibly boring and challenging to me), but the fitting-it-all-in part. After looking back at my infrequent courses, both during my earlier 20s and the summer Sky was deployed, I realized it would be much different this time around with a little girl who needs me. I guess I just didn't realize how different.
The house will not be as clean, which is hard for my neat-freak personality. I've had to make lists on a chalkboard of things I need Sky's help with sometimes. Laundry is going to fall behind, and probably dishes, too. I haven't so much as touched the remote to watch all the shows I've recorded days ago. I've been longing to write so many blog posts that are swirling 'round in my mind, and I haven't even jotted down the cliff notes yet. I just got done editing the photos from Seattle, and stopped a paper long enough to post them to Facebook for my family, but I haven't uploaded the here (obviously). I am the kind of person who wants to get every assignment done the day it is posted and have the rest of the week free, but that just isn't going to happen with a two year old, a once-a-week job, and a house to keep up.
But here is the thing- I have never felt so overwhelmed in such a good way. I made a promise to myself that if I was able to get the Pell Grant, there would be no complaining about a horrible assignment, too much work, too little fun, etc. This is hard- really hard. But it's such a blessing and an amazing opportunity.
It would have been easier if I had been able get this done at 20. I'm getting it done at 27 instead. I keep reminding myself that Millie won't remember how clean our house was or even if she ate macaroni and cheese three days in a row. She will know that her mama worked hard to get a degree, and that her daddy helped out so I could get there.
So it isn't easy. But it's so amazing. And I'm praying that I will get through this semester, and however many more it takes before my name is written in calligraphy on a diploma. Until then, I will grit my teeth, get it done, and thank God that I am able to do it.