"And when I lifted my eyes to your name,
suddenly your heart showed me my way"
There is something about giving someone a name. Many of us never get the privilege, and those who do only get it a few times. How humbling is it to be handed a living, breathing soul, knowing what they will be called is solely up the two people in the room who love that soul the most?
I want this baby to have a name right away- not the next day or next week. I want to see that face and know immediately, "Yes. This is you." The thought of a nameless little love looking up at me, just waiting, doesn't feel right. It's okay for a puppy to wander around without a name, but I need to know who I'm holding in my arms as soon as the doctor places them there. Besides, an old high school classmate just waited a few days to name their son- just announcing him as "the baby"- and when they did pick a name, I was let down. After all, when it takes that long, I sort of expected something dramatic like "Supercalifragilistic". (It was James.)
This journey of naming our baby has officially reached ridiculous. It was easy with Millie; we flipped through the baby name book, came up with a short list, and picked Amelia by the time we found out she was a girl at 18 weeks along. Her middle name is Sky's mother's middle name. Easy. And I can't picture her as anything other than a Millie. She just is.
It would be easier to tell you what I haven't done to find a name this time around. I have texted Sky with ideas on a weekly basis since he's been gone. I've asked 500 questions on Twitter, as all of you who follow me know. I researched every name on our list in every combination, pouring over old genealogy records from England in 1790. I have stayed up late, putting names onto birth announcement templates, contemplating how they look. I've verified that every name we're considering is at least 200 years old. I posted countless questions and polls on baby name boards. I even wrote a "baby name expert"- yes, really. I didn't know they existed until a few weeks ago.
We do have a name picked if it's a boy. It was easy, too. But if it's a girl, I'm starting to wonder what will happen.
Everyone keeps reassuring me that this baby will have a name. And I believe them.
Most of the time.