To My Little One

"There are words in the soul of a newborn baby, wanting and waiting to be written." 

— Toba Beta

You are a mystery, baby of mine. You'll be here in just 8 or 10 weeks, and yet I don't know what your name will be, or even if you are my son or my daughter. I do know, however, that you are mine. My child for these past few months and until the end of my days. Life with your sister takes so much time, but I feel your kicks and rolls through the day, insisting that you not be forgotten. And you aren't, not a bit. I think about you so much already.

I think about introducing you to Millie in the hospital room. Neither of you will know in that moment how dear and loved you will be to each other. In just a year or two's time, you'll be bouncing down sidewalks together, holding hands and singing slightly off-key, or whispering late at night and dissolving into laughs until you hear me open the door and you both duck under the covers. You two will be each other's first best friend. And I'll be there to witness the beginning of that friendship.

I think about what it will mean to be a family of four. The three of us have practiced this family thing for a few short years, but the day we bring you home, there is no denying that it is the four of us against the world. Millie will step from the role of only to eldest, and you will be the younger one. The baby of the family, even when you're 45. This is the point when some mamas start to get sad, mourning those last few weeks of just having one baby, scared of losing that special bond when there are two in the house. But I've never felt that way. You're coming to complete our family. I don't know what I would do without Millie, and I already don't know what I would do without you. You're a part of us before you're even here, sweet one.

Mostly, I just think about you and who you are. I wonder if you will be shy or the life of the party. I wonder if your hair will have that reddish tint like your sister. I think about what your first words could be. I wonder what great things you'll accomplish and how many people's lives will be beautifully changed just for knowing you. I think about the beautiful soul I know you have. I wonder about all the moments that you and I will have that are just ours and no one else's.

You are the brand new, the unwritten. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms and listen to your story.