June 29, 2009


if I could open my mouth

Wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing
And bend through alleys and bounce off all the buildings.
I wish we could open our eyes
To see in all directions at the same time
Oh what a beautiful view
-"Marching Bands of Manhattan" by Death Cab for Cutie

By now, my brother is back from one of his last missions and is declaring his love for the faster internet speeds now that the demand has dwindled a bit. We talk about our new niece. Sky has probably waved goodbye to everyone and packed the few things he hasn't shipped home. He'll sit on a tarmac and wait for a helicopter ride away from the place we first 'met'. While I sleep, he'll fly.

I wanted to see him again before he left...the same headphones and grey army t shirt and my ring. I thought about the things I'll never see again, like the "Hi Kiddo" etched on his wall that some newbie will find and not understand. When he needed to get ready, I saluted him and smiled. He told me I did it wrong and showed me how to do it correctly. We talked about the bits of every day life... how he'll eat at a Subway without vegetables, the poker games, how he will miss that place, even talk of why I haven't blogged for a few days. There are times where the conversation is hard for me to keep up. I see him silently laugh or roll his eyes and I forget I'm supposed to respond back to the blinking screens. He still makes me nervous that far away, too- I notice myself playing with my hair and doing weird stuff with my hands all the time. Gross.

Who knows what the next month will be like-hopefully some emails like he was able to write on the way there, but possibly less. I may not be able to see him on this screen again for all I know. But it feels easier to miss him now. I'm practiced and have it down to a science, partly. Mainly, I feel like I can start rolling out a welcome mat of American soil. The week that took seemingly years to get here has finally arrived. By the time the 4th of July rolls around, both boys will be gone.

I have a feeling the fireworks that night will take my breath away.

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