November 7, 2009

Let Bygones Be Bygones

There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.




I realized, of late, something ugly in myself that I am not quite sure how to fix. It snowballed in seconds from something in the back of my subconscious mind to a fear that settled bitterly in my throat- the realization that possessing something treasured always includes the possibility of losing it.

Maybe some people are very aware of baggage or burdens from past relationships. I was not one of those people. As it turns out, things that may not matter for years can turn up unexpectedly. Being an adult in a serious relationship means sitting down, diagramming the problem, finding the route to a solution, and running after it, no matter how hard or painful. I have to remind the 25 year old kid I am that I am also a 25 year old adult. I have got to learn that one person's downfalls are not everyone's. That I can trust people.

Things with Sky and I come so easily. Shouldn't this, too? The answer is: yes. Sky is different than every other person, and therefore, has a history unlike any other person. His track record has been only that he loves me. While there are times, now and again, when I can do nothing but look in his eyes and wonder what in this world he could see in me, I have to believe him when he holds me, when he promises me plans and futures, when he links pinkies with me to assure me.

There are moments in a person's life when they have to make a choice to give it up- to put their fate or their heart in the hands of someone else. Sky and I are at such a moment now. I know I want him in my life, not just now, but every second my heart has left to beat. So I am going to keep looking into his eyes and jump, hoping he jumps next to me and we land together.

2 kind comments from you:

Beka said...

Goodness.

*sigh*

Beka said...

I don't really have any words...but I love how you wrote that last paragraph...

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