November 1, 2009

A Wrinkle

"I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so i love you because I know no other way
than this where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep."
-from XVII by Pablo Neruda

He says it wasn't a fight. I'm sure neither of us wanted it to be. It was a mostly silent car ride with a few doors slammed, and no holding hands across the gear stick like we always do. When we reached the hallway at home, there were apologies and explanations, but it took a long time for me to let go of the feeling. We worked on a puzzle for an hour or two, and it was good to be working towards something with each other again.

It is strange being at odds with someone I truly love, because it's never happened before. In past relationships, I had often ignored confrontation completely, because the other person's feelings, to be quite honest, were not a priority. I would be annoyed if anything. I always felt like the guy in the relationship- while the other person got upset, wanted to talk, wanted the drama, I would stay quiet and ignore it.

Sky and I are different. I've turned into a mushy girl who melted down in this 'non-fight'. It's terrifying to know that one person can mean so much to me. I hate that I cry at the drop of a hat when we disagree, that it gets to me that way. I feel tears on my cheeks before I know I've begun to sniffle. It is the first time I can be upset about something and still see past it, hoping to hit pause and start kissing him. It's tempting to revert back to my stoic, non-caring self, but I have a feeling love has other plans.

We worked on the puzzle, and that night, we made up for the "I love yous" that hadn't been said in the car. It's been happily ever after since then, including this morning, when I woke up to realize we'd shared one pillow the entire night, snuggled under the edge of a blanket. It's startling to find out that we haven't entirely escaped being human, and that we will, at times, have differing opinions despite our twin-like thoughts on so many things.

We aren't perfect. I guess the push and pull can be good on occasion, and as long as our heads rest on the same pillow later, I know we will make it through anything.

1 kind comments from you:

Beka said...

"i have a feeling love has other plans"
it changes you, doesn't it??
it kinda seems like it. but in a good way....a growing way.

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