Rounding Out

Life is always a rich and steady time

when you are waiting for something

to happen or to hatch.

-- E.B. White, Charlotte's Web

When I was younger, I was in a relationship I will always regret. In this context, I was told by that guy that I 'could have a flatter stomach'. I'm a 5'8" girl, and I weighed 120 lbs at the time. I am smart enough to know that a comment like that is ludicrous- I have never been smart enough to completely let it go.

My thinness has always been something I can count on. Though I've noticed every single pound I have gained since high school, I have never gotten too worried about it. Other girls could have other pluses, but I would forever be the skinny girl. I can't pretend I didn't like hearing it.

And now...this. Though the other pregnancy symptoms have yet to show up in full force, I have already been feeling my pants start to shrink around the waistline. After a shower today, I stood in front of the mirror and tried to suck in my puffy stomach...not much moved. And after Sky took out his Nikon and snapped another picture (so we can keep track, beginning to end), I realized I definitely have a bump where one wasn't there a few months ago.

He doesn't seem to mind- in fact, it is almost the opposite. I, on the other hand, have to keep reminding myself this is normal, this is healthy, and I'd be a bad mother already if I didn't get bigger. I knew before I got pregnant that this would be a hangup for me- it's already proven to be in just these 9 weeks- and I wonder how I will do for the whole 9 months.

So my project, a goal for myself for the remainder of time when this little one and I are together so closely- I will try to remember that I can only have my first pregnancy one time, and to learn to love it as much as I can. I will try to look at my own body the way I see pictures of my mother when she was pregnant with me- cute, and really not that big, and most importantly, with another life. And I will realize that this ever-growing bump just means I'm closer every day to meeting the most perfect child on earth.