December 14, 2009

The Meeting of Sparks

When you're in love you never really know whether your elation
comes from the qualities of the one you love, or if it attributes them to her;
whether the light which surrounds her like a halo comes from you, from her,
or from the meeting of your sparks.

Once upon a time, before any thoughts of baby Perez, were flirting glances, a silly game of pool, and a nervous hug. There was a late night in which secrets were spilled about talks of an engagement ring. There were countless kisses.

I try hard to remember the past, instead of just focusing on the very busy future. After all, it's our history, his and mine. It's where we came from. There are so many moments I wish I could have frozen and saved- in a way, I have, re-reading all his emails now and then, staring at our first picture from that weekend in awe. I still can't really understand how we stumbled upon each other, and how we can fit so well.

But I also want to think about the immediate future, something that comes months before my due date- our wedding. We're having a very small ceremony in the room of our house we've nicknamed 'the parlor'. We don't really use it, except to work on our puzzle now and then. But in one month, it will transform into a chapel. Sky's brother will officiate. Just our family and a couple close friends will be there, and after the ceremony, we'll walk a few steps into the kitchen for a little lunch. It may be one of the smallest weddings in history, but it is, in reality, exactly what I want.

We ordered our wedding bands last week, and they came in the mail today. I was petrified about them, incredibly nervous that they wouldn't fit. We opened the boxes together and slipped them on-perfect. I looked at his for a second, thinking how I'll actually see him wear it so soon. My mother pointed out that matching bands means that when he's gone, I can look at my hand and picture almost exactly what his looks like. We'll always be that close.

I'm trying to be excited about the not-feeling-real-yet pregnancy, and I'm anxiously ready for my next prenatal visit this week. But even though it will be one of the most life changing things for me, for us, I want it to dim just a little for this month. Because in 30 something days, Sky will be my husband. In 30 something days, we'll really be a family.

And to think it all started with a little spark.

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