May 16, 2010

Right Around the Corner

The moment a child is born,
the mother is also born.
She never existed before.
The woman existed, but the mother, never.
A mother is something absolutely new.

I spent last Sunday in a sort of daze with an underlying panic. It was Mother's Day, and it began with lots of text messages in the morning wishing me a good one. I realized the day would have significance to me now in a way it never had. It was a little surreal until I spent most of the day dealing with Braxton Hicks- by bedtime, I felt that I definitely deserved a day!

Things seem to be moving so much faster than I had anticipated. I'm already 8 months pregnant- didn't I just announce that we were expecting? This little girl already weighs 3 pounds. She's around 17 inches long. She has eyelashes, hair, moves her eyes to follow light outside of my stomach, and kicks me so swiftly that it moves books I'm reading propped up on my tummy.

Sky and I got a crib, changing table, and dresser for her room. It took a long time to put together, but there was something that felt romantic about it, even when we wanted to throw tools across the room. Everything is so anticipatory now. It's like we're always busy living for 2 months down the road. The nesting kick hasn't gone away, either- this weekend, during his drill, I've cleaned the whole apartment. I went out to garage sales with my dad, and found bunches of pink and white socks, baby hangers, and (the crowning glory) a glider rocker and footstool for rocking and night time nursing. It needs a slipcover in the worst way, but other than that, it's perfect.

Maybe it is all of this combined, and most specifically, washing those miniature socks and knowing there will be someone here wearing them soon, that got me keyed up. I decided I needed to start gathering things to pack for a hospital bag. Consequently, I spent over 2 hours at Target yesterday. I held up nursing bras that looked impossibly huge. I debated over which package of newborn diapers to buy. I bought a pair of slippers that I absolutely hate, but I figure I won't care what anything looks like during my stay.

She will be here in a couple of months. I say it to myself over and over. She's moving inside me now, making my stomach poke up and down in weird ways, but in a handful of weeks, she will be in my arms making baby sounds. And as scary as it is to think about labor, or about Sky possibly missing some of it, we'll both be peeking over the edge of the crib and looking at our daughter soon.

*Disclaimer: Sky insists that people like reading about babies and they don't mind listening to me ramble. I think it's probably more likely that I've gone overboard. However, this is a place to express myself more than what I would normally say out loud (except maybe to my best friend during a manicure), so hopefully everyone can hang on for the ride...

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