The Fourth Day

"Listen.

Slide the weight from your shoulders and move forward.

You are afraid you might forget, but you never will.

You will forgive and remember."

-Barbara Kingsolver

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

I have thought about this one for the last few days. It's tricky.

The last few weeks, I've had this detailed daydream about burning my diaries. I picture the flames engulfing the journals I've kept for nearly twenty years. I imagine the loops of my handwriting turning into ashes. Maybe it has something to do with this concept of forgiveness. Maybe I remember too much.

Most things that need forgiven already have been. Some have been forgiven over and over. And some things I don't believe should be forgiven. The scar should always be there, to guard me against that same thing happening again. Not forgiving everything leaves warnings. It protects my heart.

So, if there is a wrong against me, it's either long gone or it will never be gone. I'm where I'm at and I'm at peace with it.

"Forgiving is not forgetting;

it's actually remembering--

remembering and not using your right to hit back.

It's a second chance for a new beginning.

And the remembering part is particularly important.

Especially if you don't want to repeat what happened."

— Desmond Tutu