November 19, 2010

Blue Like Jazz

"My most recent faith struggle is not one of intellect. I don’t really do that anymore. 
Sooner or later you just figure out there are some guys who don’t believe in God
and they can prove He doesn't exist, and there are some other guys who do believe in God
 and they can prove He does exist, and the argument stopped being about God a long time ago
and now it’s about who is smarter, and honestly I don’t care."
— Donald Miller

Maybe it's something that everyone does in their 20s- an early adult fad perhaps. You get married, you have kids, you buy a puppy, and you find God.

Or maybe it is something you do out of necessity; there are some things that have pushed me away from God, and some things that have pushed me closer, and perhaps what pushed me closer won out.

After reading this post a few weeks ago, my brother-in-law (and also a pastor- the one who married Sky and I, no less) surprised me and sent me a copy of Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller (his blog here). The back of the book reads, "for anyone yearning for a renewed sense of passion in life". I need passion. I definitely need renewing. I'm anxious to delve into the book and see what my attitude is like after finishing it. (I'll be writing a follow-up post once I'm done.)

I went to church ever since I can remember. I went until I was 17 or so, then I didn't, then I did again, and after years of nothing, I am just starting to get back into it again. Just typing this out, it doesn't sound I didn't go to church- what does that have to do with God?

I want to be in church again- and no, believe it or not, it isn't because I have a daughter now. But church is just an add-on to what I really want- to kind of 'get to know' God again, I suppose. The two of us haven't talked much in the last several years, other than occasional prayers for help or guidance, most of which seemed pointless, to be honest. I still believe in him, though. I guess I need to remember why I believe in him.

I'm past the age where I feel compelled to accept something based on what my parents do. It's kind of scary, because it means I'm supposed to figure it out for myself. I can be flooded with people from every religion and non-religion, and they can't make up my mind for me in the end. Deciding what I believe is a big deal in the biggest way- how I live my life and what I think happens after my life depend on it. Yikes.

There are certain people I know, and many more I don't know, who have given Christianity a bad name. What should be, in my opinion, a simple and pure relationship with God, has been twisted and diluted into a way of voting, a tool to judge, and a method to exclude. None of these things seem to line up with what I understand God to be.

So, this is a part of my life currently- figuring out a lot of things, and my spirituality being one of them. I'll be going back to church, contemplating this book and others, and maybe getting a handle of where I'm at now.

I'll let you know how it goes.

2 kind comments from you:

Allyson Sanborn said...

Blue Like Jazz is one of my all-time favorite books... I hope you love it! If you do (or even if you don't) next you should read "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" also by Donald Miller. Really thought-provoking and enjoyable writing. And small world... my husband's name is Sky as well!
Enjoy the weekend!

Beka said...

Awesome. It's all in the journey, dear.
I can't wait to get around to reading it... :)

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