The Thirtieth Day- At Last

"Your value is in your individuality." 

— Dorla Rudd Jenkins

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

At the end of my 30 day meme, I feel a few things- proud of myself for finishing it, although it was early September when I started, and a little lighter, since I got a couple things off of my chest.

I believe one million percent in the quote I chose for this post. Some people probably value me more than they should (parents who are biased, for example!), and some people haven't valued me like they should. I guess in the end, my value is my value no matter how other people see it. My value is my individuality.

A letter to myself, then, based on that thought-

Dear Erika,

Oh, what a year it has been for you. There was the way 2010 rang in- a marriage, followed quickly by a move across town, quitting your job, and being very pregnant until July 31st at 2am. You've gained a husband and a child.

You've lost a lot, too. You have lost things that you can't really ever explain to people, and they are things that mattered to you so dearly. All the good this year is somehow so overshadowed by this bit of bad. It felt like the end, and you're not quite sure yet that it isn't.

And yet- here you are. Life still goes on whether good or bad. You've learned a lot about yourself. While not prone to especially high self-esteem, you have figured out that you do, indeed, have some good qualities. This is very valuable to you.

What bits of your individuality have you dusted off and found? Things like hope- you have learned that even if things don't go how you imagined them, or even how they should go, life keeps moving and it will get better, one way or another. You have learned of some good parts of your character, such as perseverance, faithfulness, and strength. You have learned that your heart is both as tough as steel and as fragile as an eggshell, and that it needs to be guarded but still worn on your sleeve a little.

You have value to your daughter, because you remember well that feeling of needing your mom above anything else. You have so much to learn to be a good mother, but she helps you become a better person day by day.

You are these things, and you are many more. You have many things you dislike about yourself, of course, but these you love. Chuck Palahniuk said, "Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever know." You believe that. You're glad it's true.