September 28, 2011

Last Night

"The cool peace and dewy sweetness of the night filled me with a mood of hope: 
not hope on any definite point, but a general sense of encouragement and heart-ease."  — Charlotte Brontë

We tried and failed last night, Sky and I.

Down the hall came little cries that turned into bigger ones- the sad, pitiful cries that seem to say, "I've had a bad dream., the kind that are just right for breaking hearts. We thought we had calmed her down a few minutes before, but up rose the cries again. Sky pushed back his covers and said, "What if we let her sleep in here for a while?" I made a face.

When Millie was still a tiny sweetpea in my belly, I already had it planned out. I did not want a baby who slept in my bed every night, or one that would end up still sleeping in my bed when she was 15. Sky had agreed. And when Millie arrived, she made the transition from the bassinet an inch from my side to bassinet across the room to her crib in her own room. I felt proud of my parenting resolve.

But last night, when he asked me and I heard her baby sobs, the stars aligned just right and I had to try to cuddle with her. Sky brought her into the room. Her silk-soft hair was scrunched up in funny places, her pajama top was ridding up her chubby tummy, and she squinted her eyes at me and grinned a huge grin. We looked at her for a second as she settled in between us with a favorite blanket, and I think we both felt like we were getting away with something by breaking our sworn rules. I reached over and turned out the lamp, and we closed our eyes, saying "night night" to her and to ourselves.

She was still for a minute or two, just grasping for my finger or running her hand down my cheek. When she'd stir a little, we'd hush her and hold her close. After five minutes of relative quiet and slower breaths from her, I thought she had finally dozed off. And then, a small, high voice in the darkness...and a kind of baby-talk-slurred, "What's that?!?"

The bed was shaking from our laughter, and Sky explained she had felt the whiskers on his face. Millie sat up and began bouncing, giggling, and playing peekaboo with her blanket. We watched her show for a couple minutes, and then Sky brought her back to her crib. The house was quiet again. The bed was bigger with just us two. There was a little warm spot where she had been.

I got what I said I wanted- and maybe more than I bargained for. But even though those sweet five minutes tucked in tight as a family were short, they were beautiful.

10 kind comments from you:

Erin said...

:) I love that you guys want her to sleep in her own bed. And i LOVE that you sometimes give in. :)

This story about your night brought a smile to my face. It's so sweet and shows how much you love her.

beka said...

i know that whole "hair scrunched up in funny places; a tired huge smile"... sounds like danny, when we used to watch the little munchkin all the time.
hahahaha..."what's that!" cracked me up :)

Melissa said...

Precious! I am the same way, no kiddos in my bed although when Rylee was little and sick I tried to have her come sleep with us and even not that long ago and all she did was giggle and play. She won't sleep with us now, she will stay quiet for a minute just when you doze off she pokes you saying "are you awake" I guess it's a blessing in disguise because I do not want her sleeping with us but sometimes I wish she well they would stay and snuggle :) It's perfectly ok to give in once and a while! :)

vintch said...

oh girl this could not be more beautiful. the way you wrote this, i felt like i was there! such a sweet, sweet moment you guys had. i'm sure sweet millie just lapped it up and enjoyed every second. totally not related, but sometimes pablo will get up from a hard night's sleep and his hair is disheveled just so, and it about breaks my hear with cuteness, so i can certainly relate. have a beautiful day, sweet friend!

p.s. your facebook status updates make my day so much brighter:)

Thisisme. said...

Such a lovely, sweet post! It doesn't get any better than that!

Fort Living Room said...

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charla beth said...

Oh erika, this made my heart swoon! What a precious evening.

HeWearsCombatBoots said...

This brought tears to my eyes :( I too always wish my babies could sleep in bed with me but I know it's best for them not too. It's even harder when my husband is on a tdy or deployment. All I want is to not sleep alone and to cuddle with them. Beautiful writing!!

____j said...

This story seriously melted my heart!

Alana said...

Oh my goodness. I'm going to have to start raising my baby fever shields before I read your blog.

Big, gooey, estrogen-filled *sigh*.

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