June 9, 2012

The Model Army Wife...

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...is not the one who walks out of her apartment building into the midnight air and inhales the coolness of it as if it's the only oxygen she's ever had.

She doesn't stand on the sidewalk with her head tilted towards the stars, just hoping to find a moment of peace. She doesn't shift her weight to one side and watch the the lone car drift around the curve with its headlights whirling past her, and wish she were in that car, wherever it was going.

She doesn't feel the tears stinging on her cheeks as she hears the baby crying yet again, unable to be soothed and doubtless missing her daddy.

And she isn't fine for days until one night breaks her apart, one simple night in two measly weeks spent apart.

I'm not great at this. It should be easy. And it should be so much easier by now.

9 kind comments from you:

Fran said...

Warning cliche coming your way: It's never easy.

No matter how long, how short. It's never easy to be away from the ones we love.

Monica said...

I beg to differ. The model Army wife loves her husband fiercely and along with that comes missing him like crazy when's he's gone, no matter the length of time. You got this, mama. You're doing good. Hang in there!

A Crew Chief's Wife said...

I think that all of these things are definitely part of a model military spouse. It always hurts, always, when your love is away. We have always said that the day it becomes "easy" is the day we should be scared that something is truly lacking in our relationship.

ohguardwife said...

It's not easy ... some days are better than others ... some are heartbreaking ~ especially the ones where she asks when are we going to the airport to get Daddy. She cries she's sad and misses Daddy. If she sees tears in my eyes ~ she comes to me, gives me a hug ( from the hugs Daddy gave me before he left ) and wipes my cheeks. She acts out because she misses him ...
He hasn't been home since Christmas ~ was October before that and he left in September. We haven't been given a homecoming date ... it's hard ~ no doubt about it.
Hang in there ~ your time apart will be over before you know it ~ and then you'll think to yourself ... I CAN do this!!

Mrs. K said...

I'm sorry you're having a rough time. I've had days like this recently, too--and my husband has only been gone about two weeks, too. Maybe we're not good at this whole Army Wife role, but maybe no one is really supposed to be. It's okay to miss your husband and want your daughter's daddy home!

Allison said...

WE're all saying it, but it's true...it's never easy! Let yourself off the hook. You're the only one judging you. Everyone else thinks you're killing it! You should listen to them!

Kathryn said...

It's never easy. That's the beauty and pain of loving someone so much. You are allowed to have those days that break you down, there is nothing wrong with those days. Keep your chin up. You are doing amazing! Just remember, you are not alone.

charla beth said...

oh, erika. you know, almost a year ago, you left me this comment on one of my blog posts and to date, it's still one of the most amazing, heartfelt comments i've ever gotten:

"And honey, don't ever compare your missing him to anyone else- your pain is still pain, and you're allowed to call it that. A weekend, a month, and a year- they all hurt, and that's the common thread we all have with each other."

i hold that so close to my heart on a DAILY basis...it has honestly gotten me through some of the hardest moments of this whole military journey. i would love nothing more than for you to hold it close to your heart now.

and if being a model army wife means that your heart doesn't break every time you're apart from your husband, then that title is not all it's cracked up to be. really, i think being a model army wife is going through all the hard stuff without being afraid to admit that it's HARD. that there are days that you cry or just want to curl up in bed because moving hurts too much. the fact that you've made it this far--through deployments and trainings and weekends away and issues with the army--is incredible. you are resilient, dear friend.

i hope this weekend has marvelous things in store for you--sunshine and adventure and a ray of hope for what the future holds. i'll be thinking of you<3

greaterexp said...

Please don't ever forget that the absolute best of wives are human. That "human-ness" brings us all together and really levels the playing field; we aren't less than "model" because we feel pain, frustration, or lonliness. I hope not! I try (but usually fail) to remember that even Christ felt emotions like we do, and if He wasn't a "model" human, then I don't know who is! I'm so glad you are honest about your feelings instead of pretending to be super-wife. I hope you feel the abundant prayers spoken on your behalf. They are many and heartfelt.

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