Fireflies and Goodbyes

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"Just then, a singly firefly flashes its light, then another. 

Within a minute the darkness is filled with fireflies, twinkling their silent melody. 

I think about all the people in the world, how each of us has a place where we belong. "  

— Dominique Paul

Sky and I had settled into each other on the couch, and the TV was announcing winners and losers on a reality show contest. I had lazily left my blinds open, although the sun had set hours before. Everything outside had formed into dark silhouettes. But out of the corner of my eye, there was a tiny spark of gold from the window- a glimmer, and then gone.

I walked over and peered out into black, and watched as they appeared, glowing, and disappeared again. I am always happy when the first fireflies of the year come into view It's as if I forget they exist, and every summer, I'm surprised by the soft twinklings of the season. But two years ago, I saw their glow and knew that, before they were gone, my husband and brother would be home from a war far away. When they came back last year, I was sweetly reminded of that time and those emotions.

This year, Sky is leaving as they are arriving. He piled up a stack of t shirts and uniforms, gathered his boots, a belt, and some other belongings, and shoved as much as he could into a backpack with his name tape and unit's patch. We spent a few hours with each other before turning off the light. As I laid next to his rib cage, his arm wrapped around me, I inwardly sighed thinking about how we were already back to this place- his two week AT for the Guard, like an extended drill that means, once again, he's away from home. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if he hadn't just been gone a couple weeks ago for the flooding. But he was, and now this, and I remember the feeling all too well.

Not too long ago, Millie began reaching her arms up to me. It doesn't matter if she's in her crib, playing on the floor, or stuck in the confines of a car seat- up go her hands, tiny gestures towards me, begging to be scooped up into my arms. No matter where she is before, she has a deep-seated, inherent need to be with someone she loves.

I understand.