January 25, 2012

Stopping

"There are some things you learn best in calm, and some in storm." 


Sometimes, it hits me. The tension from the day rolls into a week or month, until I carry its weight in my muscles and feel its strain on my heart. Yesterday was that kind of day.

It's been a strange, out of kilter week here. I attended the funeral for my best friend's father. There is little worse than watching someone you care about in tears and knowing you can't fix it. Other people around me have been stressed or upset or angry. Millie has had a rough week- probably cutting another tooth. I don't know the reasoning behind all of what I had pent up, but I know that it was just there- sitting on my lungs, giving me that horrible fight-or-flight feeling; but there was no one to fight and nowhere to go.

I found myself standing in the shower, the stream rolling in curls from me and the water drenching my hair and getting caught in my lashes, and instead of being soothed and calmed, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My heart beat fast. I felt the adrenaline coursing through me and I hated it. I had to look in the mirror to steady myself, to remind myself everything was okay.

So I did something completely out of the ordinary. I grabbed the bottle of wine that had sat in the bottom of my fridge for the past two years, waiting for a special occasion that apparently had never arrived. I found a corkscrew, then poured it into the glass. And instead of multi-tasking with writing/blogging, Facebook, Twitter, TV, eating, and everything else I do at night, I just stopped.

I sat with my glass in hand, and watched a show- a girly show about weddings. I did nothing else but sip and ooh and ahh at dresses. And it felt so good. And tonight, I'm going to do the very same, only adding a DIY pedicure in the mix. I tell myself I stay at home with Millie and therefore I don't really need a day off, but the truth is, I do. Desperately. And it isn't even good for anyone if I don't take it. It definitely isn't good for my heart.

Sky remarked that I hadn't written a 'real' post in a while. Maybe I avoided writing it the past few days, because there were no words. Because I didn't have the energy or the motivation to say what I really wanted to say.

But the words are here now: rest. breathe. slow.


Stop.

14 kind comments from you:

Brittany Sommer said...

Sometimes you just NEED to take a rest from every day stresses. Thinking of you <3

Alyson @Eisley Rae said...

Good for you! It's so hard when we feel like we have to keep up. Hope you enjoy your evening.

Kim said...

Staying at home with your child is a 24/7 FULL TIME job, don't let anyone tell you that it isn't! And yes, you do need some time off, just like everyone else does. I think it's great that you got some wine and just indulged yourself for a little bit. BTW, I love reading your posts, no matter what the topic! Enjoy your DIY pedicure :)

MrsMcDancer said...

I think every person, momma or not, stay at home or not, needs a break every once in awhile. I usually don't give myself one until I reach my breaking point, but I'm learning these days to stop a little sooner. I'm sorry you've had a rough week, but am very glad you can take some time for you!

Nicole Marie said...

Great post. I am having my me time for the next couple of weeks. Which mean I will be going through a couple of more bottles. shhh. But I do know that feeling. Where you just sit (well I sit) in the shower and take a couple of deep breaths. I am glad you are able to find some time to stop and just appreciate yourself for a little while.

beka said...

wine and a girly show about weddings sounds like a great slowing-down evening.
:)

Skinnie Piggie said...

At least you got the wine bottle open... I failed epically and cut my finger open in the process... so no wine, bloody finger, and tired me.

BUT- you deserve a break, everyone does, enjoy it!! =)

Kaylee said...

Yes, it's hard for me too - to remind myself that I need a day off sometimes. It can be hard when you stay at home, to tell yourself that you still need a break, you know? Sorry you have that tension weighing on you - I know how that can feel, and it's not very pleasant. Glad you got to just sit and drink some wine and breathe.

Ashley said...

I stay at home too, and regardless of the fact that I have recently added working one day a week and school to my schedule, I often need a break. I need to time to just rest and be myself...even if it's staring idly at my Facebook homepage :) I'm glad you were able to take some time! Enjoy!

The New "Normal" said...

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend's father. My prayers go out to them, and you.

You definitely deserve to take a break. Staying home and raising your sweet girl is a huge job and you need the down time to recharge. I'm glad you took some time to do something you enjoy. A glass of wine and a pedicure sound awesome :)

Deanna said...

I was like that this week too. I thought my head was going to explode while simultaneously having a stroke from the stress. I found relief by turning on loud music on my headphones and going for a long run...the wine came later. (-: Love this post...so true!

Chantal said...

Ah I hear you. Sometimes you just have to stop and just veg for awhile.

Fran said...

I know exactly what you mean. Take time for yourself, friend. Sometimes that all we need and it's absolutely amazing <3

Amanda said...

So glad to hear you are taking the time you need for yourself. :)

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