June 28, 2012

The Things You Say

Today's guest post is from a sweet lady I've gotten to know in the blog world- we even text sometimes (and yes, I love texting blog friends). Mrs. Y is a Navy wife who blogs at Miles Behind Me, and volunteered a post when she heard I was wanting some time away. Make sure you check out her blog as well as her Etsy shop! (How adorable is this bag?)

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Hello I am Mrs. Y and you can find me over at Miles Behind Me.  I am so happy to be guest blogging for Erika as she has become a friend of mine.

My husband is in the Navy, Active Duty.  But when he first started out in the military he was in the Army National Guard, like Sky was.  My husband has served a total of 8 years, 6 in the Navy. I love hearing his former Army days as he describes the deployments and Army life. He had a life before me, surprise surprise. He was actually engaged once a long time ago in a land far away, back in his Army days this is one of those times I wish I could post an embarrassing picture of my husband in his ACU’s but they are in PA.

The engagement didn’t last long… and she ended it. But it’s what she said, that’s the reason I am writing this post.

Like Sky, my husband goes away. It isn’t just one weekend a month and 2 weeks a year though. It’s moments I’m glad he isn’t out to sea and he’s home. Moments of I only have a few days before he leaves again take advantage of it. And like with Erika deployment is a dirty word and one we don’t like to hear in this household.

My husband proposed to a girl I won’t say woman that he knew. Funny part was, it was his superior’s daughter. She was an Army brat, used to the lifestyle… or so one thought.

One day my husband tells her he has to go on deployment. She throws a fit. Honestly, who wouldn’t throw a fit- don’t we all when we hear that dirty word. But she said he wasn’t allowed to go. He laughed it off.  He didn’t have a choice, it’s not like he could say no. Often when before my husband goes underway I tell him he can’t go, he smiles and says he wished it worked that way.

Deployment in Army terms is a bit longer than Navy. My husband had just returned from a 9 month deployment with the Navy when we first met. And hands down I’d take a Navy deployment over an Army deployment any day. But a deployment = they are gone, nothing you can do to stop it.

It surprised me when my husband said she tried to stop it. Even to a point her father had to talk to her. I was perplexed by this. I especially thought someone who was raised in the lifestyle would understand. But perhaps they understand all too much.

There are things you say in life that you regret and if I were to assume I would assume she regrets this. But she told my husband that she wished he would die on deployment.

Needless to say he didn’t die. He’s been on several deployments and has made them through okay. He dumped her before deployment, and hasn’t seen or spoke to her since. It’s one of those happily ever after stories because he met me, and we are madly in love…

I make sure to whisper into my husband’s ear “come back home to me safe and sound” before he goes. It isn’t something that I have to say, but something I do. Because the actions of his ex always echo in the back of my head.

You can’t be responsible for what anyone says but yourself. So I just ask you guard what you say. At some points you can’t take back what you say.

Everyone experiences things differently. I know Erika deeply missed Sky while he was gone just like I miss my husband while he’s gone.

But the next time you see a service member, thank them for their service. If they are about to go on deployment ask them to come back home safe. Step outside the box and do the little things people tend to forget about.

Because you never know when one service member got the same response my husband got a long time ago before he went off to deployment. You don’t know what their significant other is saying. But you can say good things. So say those good things.

It doesn’t matter if they are Active Duty or Reserves… they are each respectively missed just as much as the other when they are gone. 


*Make sure you've entered the giveaway for a $20 Shop Credit from Eisley Rae!*

3 kind comments from you:

The Illiterate Author said...

Wow--thanks for sharing. Really makes you think! I stopped by after seeing EANFE's link--so glad I did! :)

Fran said...

Um, excuse me ma'am but how come *we* don't text, yet?!

chambanachik said...

This will be fixed *immediately*.

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