December 12, 2010

Only a Fool

It's a whiteout right now- the wind is beating against these walls angrily. I feel rattled, too.

You know that feeling of being in a crowd but feeling utterly alone? That's what is happening. I feel the same hurt I've felt for the last few months, but tonight, it's an fiery hurt. I feel totally raw.

I've been thinking back to this post- the one where I decided I needed to fully give my heart away, the one where I decided to trust. Silly, silly girl. I'm sure someone somewhere would say it was necessary. It'll teach me something. Maybe, even, that it was worth it, because I have my daughter.

But tonight, I'm not able to swallow any of those things.  A quote I like from Anais Nin goes: "I am only responsible for my own heart. You offered yours up for the smashing my darling. Only a fool would give out such a vital organ."

I feel so incredibly foolish.

3 kind comments from you:

Beka said...

Ohmyword, that Anais Nin quote is amazing.
Spot on.
I'm sorry you're in a raw time, darling.

Sometimes it sucks to hear people say the sun's going to rise again tomorrow...
You just want to forget the mistakes you've made. :\
(Sigh.)
There is hope.

Dolli-Mama said...

Hang in there sweetie. It's ok to let yourself feel the hurt. Sometimes you have to before you heal.

This is not the end of the story.

Birdie said...

I am so sorry for your hurt and pain. I can only say that I know how you feel. I felt like a robot, just going through the motions when my life fell apart. Just have faith that you'll rebuild something better.

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